You’re both on wrong side of this love equa­tion

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONE­LY­HEARTS: My girl­friend and I broke up a year and four months ago. We had lived to­gether and were deeply in love. Un­for­tu­nately, she and I also got into steam­ing fights, really about noth­ing — tempers flared, and at some point, she could no longer con­tinue, de­spite our love. It was a hor­ri­ble time for me, and I found my­self tex­ting her and email­ing her just to feel nor­mal. Af­ter a year of on-and-off elec­tronic com­mu­ni­ca­tions, I de­cided to stop. I didn’t want to bother her with my pleas, and thought I would re­gret for­ever be­ing a bur­den to her. By the mid­dle of Jan­uary this year, I met a girl who I started to hang out with. We got along and had some good laughs, but deep in­side I knew I still wanted my ex. On Valen­tine’s Day, my ex texted me a ques­tion: “Are you dat­ing some­one?” As I had been out with this new girl only four times, I felt, and hon­estly, that we were not dat­ing. My ex told me she had feel­ings for me still, and had hoped that things could be the same as be­fore. I im­me­di­ately told the new girl that I couldn’t do it, that my heart was with some­one else. My ex is so con­fused with what’s hap­pen­ing, she now be­lieves we can’t make it work. The new girl kissed me and the ex knows it. I made a YouTube playlist for the new girl to check out, and the ex knows it, and be­lieves it was a love playlist. I love my former girl­friend, and just don’t un­der­stand why we can’t (her words) work things out. — Miss­ing My Sweet­heart, Win­nipeg

Dear Miss­ing: Ei­ther your ex is overly jeal­ous, or you tell her so much de­tail that it be­comes painful for her to be around you — even af­ter dat­ing some other girl for only four dates. Why did she have to know about the song playlist or even know about the kiss? What you should have said to your ex was, “If you are ask­ing me if I would like to for­sake all oth­ers and be­gin again with you, the an­swer is yes.” A kiss with some­one else, af­ter your ex left you beg­ging, is noth­ing. She sounds like a very jeal­ous woman. Are you sure you want to now go hat in hand again, beg­ging for an­other chance? Look at the power dy­namic here. She came af­ter you, but quickly turned the ta­bles. When she asked if you were dat­ing, your an­swer should have been “No­body se­ri­ous.” Pe­riod. Why did you fight so much be­fore? It sounds like both of you are so in­se­cure you need to do some work on your­selves with pro­fes­sional help, so you can change the los­ing equa­tion which is still In­se­cure Woman + In­se­cure man = Ex­treme Jeal­ousy.

Dear Miss Lone­ly­hearts: I am in love with a fat woman. She is so fat she is go­ing to die young. I try to tell her that but she won’t lis­ten. She says this is “has­sling” is about the shape of her body. It is not! It’s about the con­di­tion of her heart and other or­gans. I’m afraid I will lose her to Death. I have be­come the cook and only make her healthy meals, but she stashes dough­nuts and cook­ies and can­dies and just get fat­ter and fat­ter. Please help. — Watch­ing Her Die, Win­nipeg

Dear Watch­ing: You might get fur­ther with her if you asked her to talk to you about the rea­son she needs all this junk food. What empti­ness is she try­ing to fill? Ob­vi­ously YOU love her un­con­di­tion­ally, but that might not make up for the peo­ple in her fam­ily or past who didn’t. Maybe she is still suf­fer­ing from bul­ly­ing and name-call­ing at school. Maybe she feels she doesn’t have work that is ful­fill­ing. Get at th­ese is­sues with her and try and get her to go for help. Of­fer to go with her. Don’t ig­nore the prob­lem but take a new ap­proach with a gen­tle voice — lots of con­ver­sa­tions that look at the hurts and fears and mem­o­ries that make her want to com­fort her­self with treats.

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