Don’t throw away your dental dream because of lazy wife
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I hate my work life and I want to go back to school to become a dentist. My wife is furious. She doesn’t want the loss of income and the financial struggles ahead and for her to go back to work. Our child is six and in school full time this year, so what is the big problem? My wife is lazy and loves staying at home, that’s the real problem! I always wanted to be a dentist and then she got pregnant “accidentally” and I married her and that was that. I finished my first degree with extremely high marks — but I ended up working in an insurance office. The two of us are good with money, and we have enough saved for a new SUV — something she wants — but I want to turn that into education money. She says I’m only thinking of myself, and I say the same thing back! I know I could get accepted into dentistry in a year or two and want to save a pile to do that for the long-term good of our family, and — let’s face it — my personal happiness. Please tell me what to say to my wife. — Longing for Dentistry, Winnipeg
Dear Longing: This is your dream and you postponed it over the pregnancy, but you will be a bitter old man before your time if you cancel it altogether to please your wife. So rock the boat! Crunch the numbers you’d have if you use the SUV money, and she goes back to work, and you work overtime for a couple of years. You may be in pretty good shape money-wise by the time you start school, and the university year has a sizable summer break where you can still earn more. Tell her there will be plenty of money for SUVs and cabin and pool once you become a dentist. She says no? Bottom line: In 2013 you don’t need her permission to follow your dream and she would be better off to go along with it and support the dream. If you decide to do it against her will, she may want to end the marriage but since she’s a material girl, she’ll probably see the wisdom of the long-range plan.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went up to the family cabin last week to check it out and everything was fine except I could tell the bedroom with the fireplace had been used. I asked my teenage kids if they had been there and they said no, quite believably. I asked my wife and she said, “No, of course not, you idiot!” (She doesn’t drive and she’s crazy about me). A few other people know where the key is, and I am guessing a buddy of mine might have taken somebody there. I want to get to the bottom of this. What if I ask him and he has been cheating? We have known each other since grade school and I would trust him with my life. But, you may ask, would I trust him not to cheat? Not sure. I love his wife like a sister. What should I do? I can’t look the other way.— Onto Something, North of Winnipeg
Dear Onto Something: Go see the friend you suspect. Lay the problem out in front of him and say you’re doubting your own family members, and could he enlighten you if he knows what’s going on? He can’t get mad about that approach, even if he’s innocent. Look him right in the eye and keep looking as he speaks. I’m guessing you will know by his face if he’s guilty or innocent. If it was him, or you just guess 50-50, change the locks. If you don’t want to confront him, but you don’t want any more shenanigans at that cabin from anyone — kids or him — change the locks, and say nothing to anyone.