It’s not too late to achieve your dream

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONE­LY­HEARTS: I’m so an­gry ev­ery day, I can’t even iden­tify why! From morn­ing un­til night, I’m boil­ing just be­neath the sur­face. There are so many rea­sons why I could be an­gry! I’m work­ing as a good lit­tle teacher — not my dream — but I’m do­ing a good job, and yet I don’t want the job. I have wasted a lot of money on my up­per ed­u­ca­tion to end up hat­ing this. What is wrong with me? And then my young lawyer hus­band, who thinks he’s so hot now, tells me I have all the se­cu­rity in the world with his be­ing a lawyer, so I should just “set­tle down” and have his chil­dren. I’m too damn young to be noth­ing but a brood mare! I could have been a lawyer too if my par­ents had the money to help for seven years of ed­u­ca­tion. I could have been a great court­room lawyer; it was my first choice and I had great marks! And, on top of that, I want sex the way I want it right now, and that’s ex­tremely en­er­getic, and my hus­band thinks there’s some­thing wrong with me. There is NOTH­ING WRONG WITH ME! OMG, now I’m cry­ing. I have to go, but I’m go­ing to mail this to you now. Please write back! — Los­ing It, South End

Dear Los­ing It: It’s good that your writ­ing this an­gry let­ter to me brought on the anal­y­sis of your sit­u­a­tion and started the cry­ing. You fi­nally faced your hurt­ful ca­reer loss head-on. It’s very hard to marry a per­son who is liv­ing your dream. It must bother you to see him whistling off to work. I think it’s time for YOU to make a solid plan to go to law school. At 27 there’s time to do that now, es­pe­cially since be­ing a brood mare is not your idea of ful­fil­ment. Re­press­ing your de­sire to be a lawyer, while try­ing to be a “good lit­tle teacher” was enough to make you very frus­trated and an­gry. As for the sex prob­lem, did your hus­band per­haps feel the anger and re­sent­ment to­wards him, like you were hav­ing “grudge sex” with him, and it wasn’t fun to be a par­tic­i­pant? That feel­ing can change. Pic­ture your­self toast­ing your ac­cep­tance to law school a year or two down the road, and see how that sits with you. Do you look happy? Now pic­ture your­self in a law of­fice ar­ti­cling. Hap­pier still? Could you do an­other year of teach­ing to save money to go to law school? How about your hus­band — is he mak­ing enough money yet to help? Re­search all pos­si­bil­i­ties for fi­nan­cial help and check out the info on ad­mis­sion to first year. http://law.rob­son­hall.ca/ jd/ad­mis­sion-to-first-year. It may be the best read­ing you’ve done in years. Be aware, you don’t need any­body’s per­mis­sion to go to law school, so if your young hus­band gives you grief over this im­por­tant life de­ci­sion, say, “This is my dream and I’m go­ing, one way or the other. Present it nicely, but very firmly, as a fait ac­com­pli, and he will get used to it faster. I had my kids at 38 and 39½ af­ter chang­ing ca­reers, and they are nor­mal (most days!) and de­light­ful. Go af­ter your dream!

Dear Miss Lone­ly­hearts: I feel for the woman who has been mar­ried for less than a year and wants to leave her mar­riage. I was in the same place and I tried to make it work for three more years be­fore I fi­nally left. Things got worse, not bet­ter. He spent money like crazy, ran up debts, cheated, lied and con­trolled me. I wasted a lot of time and could have wasted more. I would sug­gest coun­selling just so she is sure, and to treat him kindly but not to hes­i­tate. Life is too short to waste with some­one who hides his true colours just to catch a wife. — Been There, Stayed Too Long, Win­nipeg

Dear Been There: Thanks for tak­ing the time to write in. This dis­traught young woman will see your let­ter. You have no idea how help­ful it is to hear from some­body who has ac­tu­ally been through the same thing, even if it is a stranger. Your kind let­ter will be much ap­pre­ci­ated by her and other peo­ple who have gone through a mar­riage that quickly turned out to be a ter­ri­ble mis­take.

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