If you love bal­let so much, why fo­cus on pole danc­ing?

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONE­LY­HEARTS: I’m 16, a hard worker, good stu­dent and a lover of dance. I took bal­let classes for sev­eral years as a child but stopped. I clearly re­mem­ber that I was frus­trated be­cause I couldn’t dance with the “big girls” and felt it was go­ing too slowly. I was eight, and I left dur­ing the year. I’m tak­ing a beginner class now and love it, though I un­der­stand that be­com­ing a pro­fes­sional bal­le­rina is im­pos­si­ble at this point, but it’s awak­ened a re­sent­ment for my par­ents I can’t shut out. I can’t be­lieve they let me drop out in the mid­dle of the year like they did, which let down my teacher and is very rude. Some­one should have lov­ingly ex­plained to me, “You might be rest­less, but you can’t leave your class be­fore the year is over,” and “You need to learn the ba­sics first, your body isn’t ready for adult danc­ing like pointe,” and then maybe put me in gymnastics clas­sics to cure my bore­dom. If they had sup­ported me more, it eas­ily could have gone some­where. I’m de­ter­mined to work with what I have and be­come a pole dancer, but it’s still very dif­fi­cult and the peo­ple who started young will al­ways have an ad­van­tage. I can’t make up for lost time and I have a bit­ter taste in my mouth. I should have been taught more dis­ci­pline and fo­cus. How can I con­cen­trate on the pos­i­tive, and let this grudge go? — Shake It Till I Make It, Win­nipeg

Dear Shake It: Some­thing doesn’t make sense here. If bal­let is what you truly love, why di­vert your en­er­gies into pole danc­ing? Take mod­ern dance and bal­let and chore­og­ra­phy — all the chal­leng­ing for­mal dance classes you can. As for your par­ents, they had no way of know­ing you would one day want to be a se­ri­ous dancer when you were cry­ing with frus­tra­tion at eight years old. Par­ents don’t go into train­ing to be­come par­ents. They make mis­takes. If they had forced you to keep danc­ing when you were so frus­trated, you might have re­sented them ter­ri­bly. Talk to the most un­der­stand­ing par­ent first, and then the other other one and get this out in the open. If you need help build­ing up to that con­fronta­tion, talk to your guid­ance coun­sel­lor at school and get this all out in the open, and re­solved.

Dear Miss Lone­ly­hearts: I bit my boyfriend’s cheek when I was mad at him on the week­end, and now he has teeth marks in a moon shape across his cheek. He told me, “You’re nuts and we’re through.” At univer­sity, he won’t talk to me. He says he hasn’t bad-mouthed me but my ac­tions speak louder than words. He says his mother hates me for this. Why won’t he for­give me? It was a fight, for God’s sake! I cried, and said I was sorry af­ter. What more does he need? He says I need to see a shrink. I don’t! — Sorry, But Not Crazy. Win­nipeg

Dear Sorry: Bit­ing some­one’s face is a se­ri­ous red flag. You do need to see a psy­chi­a­trist or psy­chol­o­gist. You went over the line of nor­mal be­hav­iour, and you’re not really re­morse­ful. This guy is fin­ished with you — you can’t blame him and you must re­spect his wish not to see you. The sirens went off in his head and he’s done. That is the con­se­quence for your vi­o­lent ac­tion, which is a form of as­sault. See your fam­ily physi­cian and get a re­fer­ral to a ther­a­pist. Get the help you need, and be as co-op­er­a­tive as you can be.

Dear Miss Lone­ly­hearts: I’m 47 and have been dat­ing younger women, in their late 20s or early 30s who I meet on­line, no prob­lem. They have a hard time keep­ing up to me and they all want re­la­tion­ships with me. I’m sick and tired of older women com­plain­ing about my not look­ing for some­one my own age. The rea­son is sim­ple, but women won’t like it — younger women are bet­ter look­ing. I keep my­self in ex­cel­lent phys­i­cal shape — go to the gym six days a week and run long dis­tance five days as well. I de­serve a woman with a great body and the bright­ness that goes with get­ting lots of ex­er­cise. I don’t want an older, over­weight woman. If older women want a guy like me to look at them, they have to do the work to stay young. Now some­one has fi­nally told the truth. What do you say to that? — Never Fit­ter, 47, South End

Dear Never Fit­ter: If, as you be­lieve, peo­ple should only get what they de­serve, then you de­serve some­one who is fit like you and shal­low enough to find the way you think at­trac­tive. It’s in­ter­est­ing you never have a re­la­tion­ship go­ing with any of th­ese bright, at­trac­tive young women. Are you really do­ing all the re­ject­ing? It’s doubt­ful! It would be in­ter­est­ing to hear re­sponses from other peo­ple to your ideas — both men and women. Read­ers, please feel free to write in and we’ll pub­lish your re­sponses in an up­com­ing col­umn.

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