You should have left the house; your angry slap was an assault
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I slapped my wife about this time last year (my mom’s birthday week) and she has never let me forget it. We’re getting up to the anniversary of that fight where she called my mother a drunk and a no-good (prostitute). It’s time she shut up about it, don’t you think? You tell her for me. I’m sorry to say I gave her a black eye. But, no one gets to call my mother that even if she was hooking to put food on the table. She was left alone with five kids and did her best to raise us the only way she could with no education; she couldn’t read or write. My wife is not the least sorry and calls me an “abuser.” I had to shut her up somehow because she was slicing my poor mother to ribbons. If I hadn’t hit her then and had let her keep on abusing my mom, I might have left her and the kids. Is it ever allowable to hit an adult who is verbally killing you?
Dear Last Resort: It’s not OK to assault people; it’s a crime. You should have told your wife off and exited the house. That would have made her think about the hurtful things she said, instead of turning her focus onto your slugging her. In a year, you two have not come to any agreement on how wrong it was to hurt each other verbally and physically. The style of fight you had, did no good at all in resolving anything. Since you’re staying together, call Evolve (204-784-4208), the anger-management group run out of Klinic. It is for victims and perpetrators of domestic abuse.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate my next-door neighbour, who is an uptight troll. I don’t let my cat out on purpose, but sometimes she manages to sneak past my ankles and she’s gone. She always heads for the soft, black garden earth in the front of this witch’s house. It calls to her little peabrain like a brand-new toilet. I can’t enter the woman’s yard to grab my kitty as it’s all fenced off and she and I are mortal enemies. I have to try to call my cat back with sardines and coaxing words and then the big fat sasquatch comes out of her house and starts yelling and spraying my cat with what looks like insect spray, which could kill her. Now she says she has (traps) but I don’t know if I believe her. What can I do about this horrible neighbour? — Hating her Guts, Winnipeg
Dear Hating: Hating her isn’t working. You could shock her totally by giving her a gift of chocolates and a flower pot full of something pretty on her step and a note of apology for your cat being so attracted to her yard. Tell her you are trying your best to keep Kitty home. It’s likely nobody else in your area likes this neighbour. After the shock wears off, she might feel more kindly towards you. She might say something crabby like, “You can’t buy me off with flowers and chocolates,” but my guess is she’d cool down and focus on other neighbours with critters she doesn’t want in her yard.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am so “in love” with a certain model that I have her poster duct-taped to my ceiling. My mom says it’s disgusting. I just say she has a dirty mind — and then she runs out of the room. Why doesn’t she cool out? I’m just a normal guy. — What’s Her Problem? St. James
Dear What’s Her Problem: You don’t have to spell it out for your mother by putting the poster on the ceiling above your bed. She doesn’t need the visual. Stop pushing her buttons. Put the poster of your dream babe on the wall so mom can pretend it’s just a picture you like to look at, and maybe smile at. Rrrright?