You should have left the house; your an­gry slap was an as­sault

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I slapped my wife about this time last year (my mom’s birth­day week) and she has never let me for­get it. We’re get­ting up to the an­niver­sary of that fight where she called my mother a drunk and a no-good (pros­ti­tute). It’s time she shut up about it, don’t you think? You tell her for me. I’m sorry to say I gave her a black eye. But, no one gets to call my mother that even if she was hook­ing to put food on the ta­ble. She was left alone with five kids and did her best to raise us the only way she could with no ed­u­ca­tion; she couldn’t read or write. My wife is not the least sorry and calls me an “abuser.” I had to shut her up some­how be­cause she was slic­ing my poor mother to rib­bons. If I hadn’t hit her then and had let her keep on abus­ing my mom, I might have left her and the kids. Is it ever al­low­able to hit an adult who is ver­bally killing you?

Dear Last Re­sort: It’s not OK to as­sault peo­ple; it’s a crime. You should have told your wife off and ex­ited the house. That would have made her think about the hurt­ful things she said, in­stead of turn­ing her fo­cus onto your slug­ging her. In a year, you two have not come to any agree­ment on how wrong it was to hurt each other ver­bally and phys­i­cally. The style of fight you had, did no good at all in re­solv­ing any­thing. Since you’re stay­ing to­gether, call Evolve (204-784-4208), the anger-man­age­ment group run out of Klinic. It is for vic­tims and per­pe­tra­tors of do­mes­tic abuse.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate my next-door neigh­bour, who is an up­tight troll. I don’t let my cat out on pur­pose, but some­times she man­ages to sneak past my an­kles and she’s gone. She al­ways heads for the soft, black gar­den earth in the front of this witch’s house. It calls to her lit­tle peabrain like a brand-new toi­let. I can’t en­ter the woman’s yard to grab my kitty as it’s all fenced off and she and I are mor­tal en­e­mies. I have to try to call my cat back with sar­dines and coax­ing words and then the big fat sasquatch comes out of her house and starts yelling and spraying my cat with what looks like in­sect spray, which could kill her. Now she says she has (traps) but I don’t know if I be­lieve her. What can I do about this hor­ri­ble neigh­bour? — Hat­ing her Guts, Win­nipeg

Dear Hat­ing: Hat­ing her isn’t work­ing. You could shock her to­tally by giv­ing her a gift of choco­lates and a flower pot full of some­thing pretty on her step and a note of apol­ogy for your cat be­ing so at­tracted to her yard. Tell her you are try­ing your best to keep Kitty home. It’s likely no­body else in your area likes this neigh­bour. Af­ter the shock wears off, she might feel more kindly to­wards you. She might say some­thing crabby like, “You can’t buy me off with flow­ers and choco­lates,” but my guess is she’d cool down and fo­cus on other neigh­bours with crit­ters she doesn’t want in her yard.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am so “in love” with a cer­tain model that I have her poster duct-taped to my ceil­ing. My mom says it’s dis­gust­ing. I just say she has a dirty mind — and then she runs out of the room. Why doesn’t she cool out? I’m just a nor­mal guy. — What’s Her Prob­lem? St. James

Dear What’s Her Prob­lem: You don’t have to spell it out for your mother by putting the poster on the ceil­ing above your bed. She doesn’t need the vis­ual. Stop push­ing her but­tons. Put the poster of your dream babe on the wall so mom can pre­tend it’s just a pic­ture you like to look at, and maybe smile at. Rr­rright?

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