Now you know your ex likes a guy, stop your stalk­ing and say bye-bye

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ARTS & LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I con­fess right up front I am a mi­nor-league stalker. I al­ways check out a boyfriend if he leaves me to see if there’s an­other woman. This last guy told me he was a “com­mit­ment-phobe” and should do me a favour and bow out be­fore he re­ally hurt me. Too late! We were close to an en­gage­ment and talk­ing about kids and then he started cool­ing off, stay­ing at work late and all the usual crap that means cheat­ing. I got my girl­friends to stake out his place and they said things like, “He’s only spend­ing time with a buddy as far as we can see.” Then a call came last night from my cousin who drove by his place af­ter the bar and waited a few park­ing spa­ces down and read a mag­a­zine. At 2 a.m. she saw my ex come out to his car with that same buddy and kiss him good-night on the mouth. What am I sup­posed to do with that in­for­ma­tion? I am so up­set hurt and an­gry! — Go­ing Nuts, Win­nipeg

Dear Nuts: Well, first you thank your lucky stars your cousin is a pa­tient de­tec­tive. Now you and the babes can give up on this case. This guy was not meant to be your de­voted hus­band and the fa­ther of your kids, al­though he might have been mak­ing a last-ditch ef­fort to get on board with a straight fam­ily life­style. Hope­fully, you used con­doms. They aren’t a 100 per cent bar­rier pro­tec­tion, but they’re bet­ter than noth­ing. If this man has been mess­ing around with guys on the down low, there’s a chance you could have picked some­thing up from one of his part­ners or the part­ners’ part­ners. Go go for a full sex­u­ally-trans­mit­ted in­fec­tions (STI) test soon and try to put this be­hind you. If you need to get it off your chest, call him and ask him why he didn’t tell you he was bi­sex­ual in the first place and tell him what you think of that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s a boy in church who’s al­ways un­dress­ing me with his eyes. When he talks to me he stares right at my top. The Sun­day be­fore last, I said, “My eyes are up here!” and he turned red and stum­bled off. Last Sun­day at the cof­fee-dough­nut re­cep­tion af­ter church, he was at it again, star­ing at my body, neck to foot, but this time he didn’t talk to me. I’m think­ing of hold­ing up a sign when­ever he’s look­ing at me that says LOSER but my big sis­ter in Grade 12 says I might trau­ma­tize him for life, what­ever that means. What about me? He’s not a kid. He’s 13, like me. — Sick and Tired of the Big Loser, Win­nipeg

Dear Sick and Tired: This boy finds you ex­tremely at­trac­tive and he’s young and in­ex­pe­ri­enced. Yes, he acts stupid about it, but boys at pu­berty are younger for their ages than girls. Next time it hap­pens, walk over qui­etly and say firmly, “I can feel you star­ing at me and I don’t like it. Please don’t do it again.” This should work. He will get your mes­sage loud and clear, but it won’t pub­licly hu­mil­i­ate him. And don’t tell all your girl­friends and laugh at him to­gether. That’s bul­ly­ing. Just han­dle it pri­vately, like your cool big sis­ter would.

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