Emo­tional house­clean­ing could get messy

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ARTS & LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had too much time to think at the cot­tage this year and have de­cided to do some emo­tional house­clean­ing back in Win­nipeg. I re­al­ize I want out of my re­la­tion­ship with my fe­male lover. I do have a hus­band as well. We have grown much closer at the lake — the lone­li­ness and the dis­tant feel­ing be­tween us that drove me into my lover’s arms in the first place is gone. This is go­ing to break her heart. Un­for­tu­nately, she is also a neigh­bour and our kids play to­gether. How do I han­dle this with­out it get­ting messy? — Hate Scenes, Lake of the Woods

Dear Hate Scenes: Breakups don’t come in the non-messy va­ri­ety un­less both peo­ple are bored stiff. One or both peo­ple usu­ally get hurt. So, as you are the one who wants to call it quits, han­dle it the way any other messy breakup gets han­dled best. You speak your truth — all of it, with­out ex­cuses — and with deep apol­ogy. Ex­plain to her you can’t con­tinue your re­la­tion­ship and the real rea­son why: You have grown closer to your hus­band again. She may be an­gry and dis­ap­pointed and feel be­trayed, but at least she will not be try­ing to re­fute ex­cuses that were made up to make her feel bet­ter and get you off the hook.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m go­ing away to univer­sity this fall and my live-in girl­friend is go­ing to pieces. Fi­nally, last night, she ad­dressed the ele­phant in the room. She said, “You could have asked me to move with you, but you didn’t.” I said, “Yes, I could have, but for some rea­son I just wanted to go out on my own, on my own ad­ven­ture.” She said, “You want to be free to see other women, don’t you? Well, you’re free!” Then she took all of her stuff out of the apart­ment with some of her friends and a truck, and now there is an empty apart­ment to sub­let within days. I’m in ma­jor shock. I thought I’d go away and just see how things went on my own, and if I re­al­ized she was the one for me, I’d ask her to join me next year. When I told her that, she yelled: “I was go­ing to be on trial for a year?” What should I do now? — Ratch­eted Up, River Heights

Dear Ratch­eted: You may have to live with the af­ter-ef­fects of this bat­tle for a short time, or for good. There’s a chance you’ll find your­self lonely at univer­sity in the be­gin­ning un­less you’re in res­i­dence with built-in friend­ship pos­si­bil­i­ties, or you join some cam­pus clubs or as­so­ci­a­tions. You may miss her ter­ri­bly, strug­gle to make up and then find it’s too hard to be long-dis­tance lovers. How can you know un­til you make the move and try? At this point, just throw up your hands, pack your bags, go to univer­sity to­tally free and give it your best. Once you ar­rive you may feel a weight has lifted and you were re­ally push­ing for a breakup with­out real­iz­ing it. Or, you may ask her to move there with you even be­fore Christ­mas break. Maybe she just needs to yell at you now, and cry on her friends’ shoul­ders as you fly off.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada

© PressReader. All rights reserved.