Ditch­ing you for strip club is a low-class act

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was at my boyfriend’s house last night, hav­ing a bon­fire and en­joy­ing some bevvies. I had my daugh­ter with me and she was asleep in the house safely. Sud­denly a fel­low from the group sug­gested they go to the strip club. My boyfriend said he wanted to go. I don’t have an is­sue with this, if I can at­tend as well. He knows I couldn’t go be­cause of my daugh­ter, so I went to bed. He didn’t come home un­til 3 a.m. Do you think it’s fair for me to be up­set about this and to feel com­pletely dis­re­spected? Should I stay or should I go? It’s like, “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me,” and I feel like I’ve been fooled one too many times al- ready and my kind­ness to­wards him is be­ing taken ad­van­tage of. — Sin­cerely Torn, Winnipeg

Dear Torn: A de­voted boyfriend wouldn’t have taken off to the strip club with his friends, aban­don­ing you — a guest at his house. A tougher woman would have raised a fuss and gone home. You can get bet­ter treat­ment from a bet­ter grade of boyfriend, but, you have to want a good guy. That’s not the same thing as a bor­ing guy, in or out of bed. So, start hon­our­ing the strong feel­ings you have in your gut of be­ing dis­re­spected and of be­ing played for a sucker, and say good­bye.

You may want to read a book called Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Ar­gov, which is just a com­mer­cial name to get at­ten­tion. The book teaches women how to stop be­ing a door­mat and how to be a strong, standup per­son. Th­ese women don’t put up with dis­re­spect and con­sciously choose men who ap­pre­ci­ate their kind­ness, in­stead of see­ing that gen­eros­ity as an in­vi­ta­tion to be poorly treated.

P.S. Your judg­ment is dan­ger­ous in other ar­eas. Why would you leave your daugh­ter in the house with a bunch of guys who were drink­ing and go­ing off to a strip club, walk­ing in and out of the house for drinks and to use the bath­room? I don’t care how old she is — she needs bet­ter care. How would you feel if a babysit­ter did this?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been in a long dis­tance re­la­tion­ship with a guy since De­cem­ber 2012. For the first sev­eral months, ev­ery­thing was great: we were very af­fec­tion­ate with each other and texted each other all day. I’m guess­ing this was the “hon­ey­moon phase” where ev­ery­thing is all lovey-dovey for a while. Af­ter about six months, that stopped sud­denly. I’m not sure why. Just yes­ter­day, I found out he had re­moved me from his friends list on Face­book and Skype — of course I was very up­set be­cause I didn’t know why.

I man­aged to get hold of him again via Skype, and asked why he’d deleted me. He said he was be­gin­ning his army train­ing in two weeks and that he “sucks at say­ing good­bye.” He didn’t even have the de­cency to tell me this be­fore he de­cided to shut me out and that was very cowardly on his part. So I want your opin­ion on this: Was it re­ally nec­es­sary to delete me from his friends lists even though we wouldn’t be talk­ing to each other for a long time? I still have unan­swered ques­tions, so should I try to con­tact him again? — Shut out, Winnipeg

Dear Shut Out: That was lowly worm be­hav­iour. You can’t pre­tend you haven’t seen it now. Would you ad­vise your best friend to give another chance to some­one like this? The “un­friend­ing” with­out telling you was lily-liv­ered and you should rec­og­nize much of what he said to you for the last six months was prob­a­bly lies. It sounds like you never even met in per­son, so how could you check out his real-life sit­u­a­tion?

What you need is an avail­able guy who lives in the city and can hug you and love your per­son­al­ity and in­tro­duce you to fam­ily and friends. And, you can freely love him back. You have spent too much time — ap­prox­i­mately nine months — chas­ing an un­avail­able man who may or may not be join­ing the army. Even if he were, he could have con­tin­ued con­tact. But af­ter the first three months he’d had enough of the tex­ting ro­mance. He may have found some­one “real” at his end by then. That’s when you should have let him go. If he would have been a lo­cal guy, in­stead of a long-dis­tance fan­tasy guy, you’d have known very quickly he was not that into you.

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