Go ahead and shave the fur, strap on a leash and have a ball

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m mar­ried to a furry — a to­tally sane per­son who likes to dress as a walk­ing, talk­ing hu­man-like an­i­mal, much like you’d see in Dis­ney stuff, or a mas­cot. But now my hus­band has got­ten too much into the sex­ual side of it and has be­come so fetishis­tic he al­most can’t en­joy sex with­out cos­tumes. That’s way too much for me. I just like be­ing a hu­man-like an­i­mal — play­ing in cute fur-suit cos­tumes — once in a while. We’re not “out” as part of the Winnipeg furry scene. We play at home and find big Hal­loween par­ties to go to ev­ery year, dressed up in our favourite an­i­mal cos­tumes. This Hal­loween, we will go out to a party cos­tumed in our out­fits (yawn), then go home and have wild sex for him. It’s bor­ing for me now! To tell the truth, I’m off on a dif­fer­ent sex­ual tan­gent, in se­cret. We went to the fetish Hal­loween Ball last year and I felt a much big­ger in­ter­est in the S&M com­mu­nity while there. I want to go to The Ball fetish party on Oct. 26 badly and I want to go in a loveslave cos­tume with a real col­lar and chain and (fake) tat­toos. If I have to, I will go on my own, but what does it mean for our re­la­tion­ship? Will there be hell to pay? — Love My Hus­band Un­der­neath, Winnipeg Dear Love: Be truth­ful and tell your hus­band you need him to take turns this year. Ask him to come along with you on a bold new fetish ad­ven­ture. You don’t need to ac­cen­tu­ate the bore­dom you feel to get your way, but de­scribe your new in­ter­est in en­thu­si­as­tic de­tail. Let him know ac­com­mo­dat­ing your fetish does not mean you will never hu­mour his furry fetish again. Why? Be­cause you love each other. For him, pub­lic furry dis­play can only hap­pen at Hal­loween — his big chance to get out in dis­guise in “pub­lic.” So hu­mour him this way, when you go to The Ball this year, but keep your eyes open at the expo ta­bles where peo­ple sell cos­tum­ing, toys and ac­ces­sories for other ac­tiv­i­ties you want to try. Dur­ing the win­ter hol­i­day sea­son, or later for Valen­tine’s Day, you could at­tend a ball to­gether as a mas­ter-and-slave combo. The Ball hap­pens reg­u­larly at Ozzy’s. Find info at www.the­ball.ca. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: For the last three years this guy has been com­ing into my work and we al­ways look at each other and have th­ese ridicu­lous smiles on our faces. On Thurs­day, I fi­nally had enough, and I left a note on his car say­ing who I was and that he should call or text me. Days later, I still haven’t heard any­thing, How long is an ap­pro­pri­ate time to wait, or should I just for­get about it be­cause he’s not go­ing to call? — Left a Note, Winnipeg Dear Note: If he were go­ing to an­swer in ei­ther of those quick ways — phon­ing or tex­ting — he’d have done it by now. Chances are the man has a girl­friend/fianceé/wife, but he also has a big, fat crush on you. As long as it was just heavy flir­ta­tion when he saw you, he was in the clear — it was not re­ally cheat­ing in his mind. Now you have called him on it and he doesn’t know what to say. The next time he comes into your work, take him aside and ask him to his face if he got your note and why he didn’t re­spond. You need this over and dealt with, no mat­ter how em­bar­rass­ing it is for a few min­utes. If he backs off, you can save face for both of you by smil­ing and say­ing, “Well, it was flat­ter­ing for a time any­way.” Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writ­ing in re­sponse to Farmer Boy. I am also a sin­gle per­son, in my early 30s, liv­ing out­side the city. I’ve dated one or two men who lived in­side city lim­its and bro­ken it off shortly af­ter I re­al­ized they would never be will­ing to move out­side the Perime­ter, as I’ve al­ways known I couldn’t live in the city. One thing I’ve started do­ing is mak­ing sure my coun­try up­bring­ing and “small town” life­style is known right from the start, as that’s a part of who I am. Re­la­tion­ships con­sist of com­pro­mise, and it sounds to me like this is one topic nei­ther one of you are will­ing to budge on. You two are def­i­nitely not as com­pat­i­ble as you thought. Why would you want to be with some­one who was un­truth­ful about en­joy­ing the ru­ral life, know­ing that it was im­por­tant to you? As much as it would hurt, a clean break would be best for both of you. And just know there are some good ole’ sin­gle coun­try girls out there! You just gotta know where to look. — Coun­try Girl, South of the Perime­ter Dear Coun­try Girl: There are some def­i­nite deal-break­ers for re­la­tion­ships and the ques­tion of ru­ral or coun­try liv­ing can be one. Un­less you’re a Town & Coun­try Mouse com­bined, it’s hard to adapt. City peo­ple can feel lost, lonely and bored in the coun­try and coun­try peo­ple can feel cold, over­whelmed and lonely for fa­mil­iar faces in ev­ery­day life. Where you live of­fers dif­fer­ent kinds of com­fort and so­lace, and you sim­ply need what you need. Some peo­ple need sights to see, shop­ping, hus­tle bus­tle and peo­ple go­ing by, while oth­ers need lakes, trees and fields of wav­ing grain. Get­ting in­volved in ru­ral causes is a good way to meet peo­ple who love the coun­try. Like-minded peo­ple with a pur­pose tend to meet and con­nect at a deeper level. Check­ing out ru­ral folks in bars doesn’t turn up much as the num­bers are too small and the de­mo­graphic is of­ten too old, and too mar­ried! Curl­ing and golf­ing are good ways to meet ru­ral peo­ple, too. In the win­ter you can travel for bon­spiels. Ditto for golf tour­na­ments, start­ing next spring. Online dat­ing ser­vices of­ten have ways for ru­ral peo­ple to find each other, too, so try that as it gets colder and you’re in­doors more.

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