Let af­ter­noon ro­mance sail off into the sun­set

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was out float­ing around in my fish­ing boat watch­ing the birds, wa­ter and trees. Along came this woman, also in a boat and she waved, cut the mo­tor and started float­ing around, too. We started call­ing to each other and fi­nally de­cided to beach the boats to­gether and have a real chat. Three hours later we left to get our cars and meet for din­ner at a ho­tel in the next town. Then she said it was time to say good­bye. We kissed at our cars for a long time. Then she put her hand on my face, looked deeply into my eyes, and said, “Thank you, but I can’t see you again,” and then she just left. I don’t even know her last name. How can I find her? — Lost Chance at Love? Winnipeg Dear Lost Chance: Don’t feel too badly. You didn’t lose your chance, be­cause there re­ally wasn’t one. This lady told you good­bye be­cause she has a com­mit­ment else­where. She may not have been wear­ing a wed­ding ring when she was on the wa­ter, but she’s prob­a­bly mar­ried or liv­ing with some­body, has a mate who trav­els a lot, or maybe is the care­giver for a part­ner who is sick. She had a rare ex­pe­ri­ence with you she will trea­sure and think about for a very long time. I hope you pressed your card on her. With a con­nec­tion like you had, she may be back when and if she’s free, but don’t wait even five min­utes for her. That was a ro­man­tic “mo­ment” in her life that may help her con­tinue in the pat­tern she’s in. Your smartest move is to also see it as a ro­man­tic in­ter­lude, not con­nected to your life be­yond a pleas­ant mem­ory of an af­ter­noon. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man online and we went for cof­fee at a café on Co­ry­don. We watched the last leaves fall­ing in our zipped-up jack­ets lean­ing against a sunny wall when out of nowhere he said, “You re­mind me so much of my wife.” I said “What wife?” and he said, “My wife who died five years ago,” and then told me the whole story. By the time he fin­ished we were both in tears. I went home know­ing I’d never see him again, but I think he went home think­ing he’d found his sub­sti­tute wife. What do I tell him if he con­tacts me again? He’s al­ready had so much pain. I don’t want to hurt him, but it hurts me to lis­ten. He told me he still cries for her ev­ery day. — Too Much Pain For Me, Winnipeg Dear Too Much: This is not the be­gin­ning of a ro­mance for you, but you’re prob­a­bly right. This poor man will call you again, and if he does, tell him gen­tly he has a lot of griev­ing left to do. Add that you couldn’t ever be his girl­friend, any­way, be­cause you re­mind him of his wife which only makes things worse. There’s noth­ing that turns a man off ro­mance faster than be­ing told to see a shrink, but that’s what this fel­low needs and you have noth­ing to lose by telling him. It could lit­er­ally take for­ever for him to heal if he’s stuck at this stage and doesn’t get a coach to help him work through things. Af­ter five years, he’s de­pressed on top of griev­ing — two dif­fer­ent con­di­tions — and he needs more than a sup­port group. Tell him his physi­cian could re­fer him to a psy­chi­a­trist on medi­care or a psy­chol­o­gist who may be cov­ered by work insurance, and urge him to get help with his grief.

Please send your ques­tions or com­ments c/o love­coach@hot­mail.com or mail let­ters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain

Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

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