Win­ter holidays of­ten cloudy when she’s away with hus­band

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - LIFE - MAUREEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONE­LY­HEARTS: My hus­band wants to book two weeks this win­ter at a sunspot, and I can’t stand him on hol­i­day for more than four days run­ning. He says he won’t stay home, so I can ei­ther come with him or he’ll go away with his friends. If he goes with those bud­dies of his, I’ll be get­ting a di­vorce. With the ex­cep­tion of my Men­non­ite-raised hus­band, they are the big­gest bunch of cheaters you have ever met. They are talk­ing about go­ing on a fish­ing ex­pe­di­tion down in the Florida Keys, but they dock ev­ery night. My man is the next thing to manic at the best of times. He wants to go-gogo ev­ery minute on holidays: party and drink and do ev­ery­thing a place has to of­fer. It’s like be­ing on a marathon-train­ing pro­gram with him — there is no re­lax­ation in­volved and he wants sex twice a day. And here’s the thing: I don’t trust him with those guys. Beer and women go hand in hand with them, mar­ried or not, and they’d love to see him be­come one of them again. What should I do? Go and be has­sled for two weeks, or stay home and worry my­self sick? — Be­tween a Rock and a Hard Place, Win­nipeg Dear Rock: This wild and crazy be­hav­iour can’t come as a sur­prise to you. What did you do be­fore you ac­tu­ally tied the knot — you went along with the hol­i­day plans, didn’t you? Mar­riages are deals and in­volve fair­ness and com­pro­mise. You can’t just shut down his beloved hol­i­day time in the sun now that you’re mar­ried to the man. Ei­ther you help ar­range a group of cou­ples to go down south to­gether or you find a hol­i­day that in­volves group ac­tiv­i­ties, such as div­ing, when you get there. Or try talk­ing him into one week with you on a cruise that fea­tures a bunch of dif­fer­ent ac­tiv­i­ties. Re­fus­ing to go with him on holidays would be harm­ful to your mar­riage. You know the guys he runs with and they will prob­a­bly have women avail­able for him. He might not touch them, but you’ll never know for sure. Dear Miss Lone­ly­hearts: Some­times I feel like scream­ing when I’m try­ing to sleep be­side my part­ner. She has an an­noy­ing lit­tle cough she could get rid of if she put a hu­mid­i­fier in our bed­room. “Cough-cough. Cough-cough.” All night! Our apart­ment is dry, but it doesn’t bother me. I have asked her to get a hu­mid­i­fier for her cough but she says it costs too much money. Last night I slept on the sofa and got the first un­in­ter­rupted eight hours in weeks. She called me a princess as she slammed the door on her way out to work this morn­ing. Please tell her she’s be­ing an id­iot be­cause she reads your col­umn ev­ery day. — Princess and the Pea, Os­borne Vil­lage Dear Princess: I will do no such thing. And lis­ten up, Princess. Would it kill you to buy your love a hu­mid­i­fier as a gift of health and com­fort for her and a way for you to get a good sleep, too? Sleep­ing on the couch is a bad road to start down. You two live to­gether in a dry en­vi­ron­ment which isn’t good for you ei­ther. Even if you aren’t cough­ing your­self, your skin and hair are dry­ing out. Not ev­ery­thing has to be split 50/50 in a re­la­tion­ship and your loved one doesn’t have to look af­ter all her own needs. In­stall a hu­mid­i­fier in the bed­room, get off the couch in the liv­ing room, and let peace reign again in your abode. Please send your ques­tions or com­ments c/o love­coach@hot­mail.com or mail let­ters to Miss Lone­ly­hearts c/o Win­nipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain Ave., Win­nipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

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