Be­ing a drunk bum won’t get your lady back

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m walk­ing around like a chicken with its head cut off. My part­ner left me when I stayed a few nights at a drink­ing buddy’s place. She took the four kids, who I love like my own, and moved to her par­ents in On­tario. I miss her kids a lot, al­though I couldn’t sup­port them. She said I was like “the fifth child.” My friends say, “Go to her and talk to her.” I don’t have a car or any money to go. I don’t know where I’d stay any­way. You can’t stay in a tent in this weather. She’s mad at me be­cause I fell off the wagon when I lost my job and I haven’t found another one. The truth is I haven’t re­ally looked be­cause I keep drink­ing and can’t quit or I’ll get the DTs. Her par­ents must have sent the money for the tick­ets be­cause we didn’t have money like that — just what she made. I don’t know what to do. My friends are keep­ing me be­cause I’m broke and so sad and lonely. Please help. — To­tally Love Her, Winnipeg Dear Love Her: Some­times love isn’t enough. You need a plan. First, you need to get back on the wagon be­fore your ex is go­ing to even lis­ten to you. Call the Ad­dic­tions Foun­da­tion of Manitoba (204-944-6200) about coun­selling and re­hab, and Al­co­holics Anony­mous about meet­ings. When you get your­self straight, your next move is to get a job, or two part-time ones, do­ing any­thing at all, to make enough money to feed your­self and give your friends money for keep­ing you. Call cen­tres will hire peo­ple and pay them while they train them, as will fast-food restau­rants and most gas sta­tions. Get­ting sober and sup­port­ing your­self, will el­e­vate your self-es­teem and your chances of start­ing to com­mu­ni­cate with your ex and the chil­dren. It’s the best you can do right now, and it’s worth try­ing. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is younger than I am by more than 20 years. At first she loved hav­ing a wealthy older man as her life part­ner, but now she’s be­gin­ning to make re­marks about my health and fit­ness lev­els. Yes­ter­day she brought me a book and a game to help keep my mem­ory sharp, as I’m newly re­tired. I know what’s go­ing on. She’s wor­ried I am go­ing to be­come a for­get­ful fool and she will have to look af­ter grandpa. So now what do I do? I don’t kid my­self she’s still “in love” with me al­though she may en­joy her life­style with cars, de­signer clothes and hol­i­days in Europe where I’m from. Frankly, I’m weary of her, too. I would like to say good­bye and look for a woman more my age. My wife was smart enough not to sign a pre-nup so that’s the stick­ing point now. What should I do? — Go­ing to Pay Big Time, Cres­cent­wood Dear Go­ing to Pay: No pre-nup­tial agree­ment for fi­nances? Love must have blunted your men­tal acu­ity when you were mar­ry­ing this young woman. The pre-nup is the first thing you do when you’re wealthy and you’ve mar­ried some­one decades younger. It’s time for dam­age con­trol. See your lawyer now about dif­fer­ent ways to pay out what you owe your wife. If she’s greedy and favours in­stant grat­i­fi­ca­tion, she may be happy with a size­able cash pay­out and not care if it’s less than she could get in court. Re­mem­ber, you made a two-way deal. She gave you her youth and beauty and you shared the joys of your savoir faire and wealthy life­style. She may have re­searched the lat­ter quite thor­oughly with her own lawyer. Please send your ques­tions or com­ments c/o love­coach@hot­ or mail let­ters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

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