Abu­sive boyfriend won’t stop at hit­ting your mom

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend hit my mother the other day when she was drunk and cussing him out. She threw his din­ner on the floor and then he lost it. I wouldn’t have blamed him for giv­ing her a smack, but he knocked her right over in her chair back­wards to the ground. What does this mean for me now? Am I next in line? — Very Scared, Down­town Dear Scared: Dump this guy by phone, right away. You don’t need more proof. He has no prob­lem hit­ting a woman in times of stress and one day you will qual­ify for back­hands and beat­ings. Yes, your mom was drunk and pro­voked a fight, but not vi­o­lence. Why did she throw his din­ner on the floor? What is the rest of this story? Most men would have just walked out in dis­gust, but this man as­saulted your mother in­stead. You are smart to be scared. Change your life. Get rid of this vi­o­lent boyfriend and also push your mom into re­hab with all your might as she is head­ing down a dan­ger­ous road. Call the Ad­dic­tions Foun­da­tion of Manitoba (204-944-6200) for spe­cific ad­vice on how to get her help. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I in­vited my ex-boyfriend and his girl­friend for Christ­mas Eve at my place and he let me know they are happy to be com­ing. This morn­ing I told my boyfriend and he said he wasn’t com­fort­able with it un­less he could in­vite his ex and her new hus­band and child. I said, “Go ahead. Sounds good!” al­though I didn’t re­ally mean it. My BF knows I’m kind of jeal­ous of her. So now we’re hav­ing this weird Christ­mas Eve party. What should I do? — Ner­vous and Mixed Up, River Heights Dear Ner­vous: Pad the party out with more peo­ple and you won’t no­tice nearly as much. It is the time of soft­en­ing of feel­ings and for­give­ness of past prob­lems. Lots of peo­ple need a good place to go on Christ­mas Eve. Ask the neigh­bours over and some other old bud­dies th­ese exes would be happy to see. Turn the mu­sic up a lit­tle to fill in awk­ward spa­ces. Good luck with this! Write back and tell us all how it goes. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We at Villa Rosa were pleased to be men­tioned in your col­umn in re­sponse to Heart­bro­ken Baby Mama’s let­ter. (Villa Rosa is a pre­na­tal and post­na­tal res­i­dence of­fer­ing a va­ri­ety of pro­grams for preg­nant women need­ing sup­port.) We will be pleased to try and as­sist her if she con­tacts us. Any sin­gle, preg­nant woman or new mother may ac­cess our ser­vices. We ac­tu­ally have no age limit (up­per or lower) for the clients we serve, or who may qual­ify to live in the pre­na­tal res­i­dence. Over the years we have had preg­nant women as young as 11 up to age 40. Hope­fully HBM will be in touch with us and we can at­tempt to sup­port her in what­ever man­ner she re­quires. —Villa Rosa, 784 Wolse­ley Av­enue, (204) 786-5741 Dear Villa Rosa: Thanks for writ­ing to clar­ify the age avail­abil­ity for help. Also, many women don’t re­al­ize sin­gle moms can live at Villa Rosa for some time af­ter the baby is born — they are not sud­denly out on the street when the baby ar­rives. And Villa Rosa isn’t just for peo­ple liv­ing in res­i­dence. Sin­gle moms-to-be, who don’t need to ac­tu­ally live in res­i­dence, can still phone and/ or go in for ad­vice, sup­port and con­nec­tion to all re­sources avail­able to help them. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 19 and a stu­dent. I slid on ice on Wellington Cres­cent and hit my girl­friend’s car into a snow bank and dented two doors. She said she’d get it fixed pri­vately at her un­cle’s garage and give me the bill rather than go through Au­topac. Yes­ter­day, she fi­nally paid the $300 and now she ex­pects me to pay it back right away so she can buy Christ­mas presents. I don’t have that kind of ex­tra money. What should I do? She fi­nally paid for her car and got it out of the garage and now she’s pres­sur­ing me to fork over the money. Where do I get hun­dreds of dol­lars in a hurry? Rob a bank? I only have a part time job. — Broke Univer­sity Stu­dent, River Heights Dear Broke: Don’t try to let it go by say­ing, “I’ll give you the $300 when I’ve got it.” That doesn’t cut it. You bashed her car and need to re­pay her now. That’s a lot of money for you — but very lit­tle for a re­pair job. You must give it back start­ing right away, even if you have to shovel walks up and down the street. Here’s a few pos­si­bil­i­ties: 1) Bor­row the money from your par­ents or a bit from sev­eral peo­ple to pay her back the whole amount. 2)Sell some of your stuff — like elec­tron­ics, sports equip­ment, col­lectibles online. 3)Ask for an ad­vance on your pay cheque at work. 4)Give your girl­friend sev­eral post-dated cheques now, to pay it back as you get paid.

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