Over­weight woman needs to see in­ner beauty

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother is a glam­our queen. Even at 38, she has men chas­ing her. I’m 20 and I am not good-look­ing by a long stretch. My shrink thinks I couldn’t com­pete with my glam­orous mother so I stayed home and baked. I am very lonely be­cause I am fat, have no one and see my mom en­joy­ing her life with men. I am jeal­ous of her. That should be my life, not hers. The other day her lat­est man friend was still here at the break­fast ta­ble af­ter she went to work and he men­tioned he had a son my age who might like to meet me. I said, “Why? Be­cause he thinks I must be good­look­ing like my mother?” and he said, “Quite the op­po­site. My son doesn’t trust overly gor­geous woman and im­me­di­ately thinks they’re shal­low.” I said, “Do you think my mother is shal­low?” He said, “Not at all, but my son is a bit in­se­cure.” He set up the date and I went. I met this guy and he was even fat­ter than me. I was in shock and so was he. We didn’t even fin­ish our cof­fees be­fore we both made ex­cuses and took off. Is this what my mother’s boyfriend thinks of me, that I only de­serve an ex­tremely obese per­son? — Shocked, Down­town Dear Shocked: Your mom’s boyfriend doesn’t see you in bad light or he wouldn’t have set you up with the son he loves. Like most par­ents, that dad prob­a­bly sees the beauty in­side his child and has heard about your best qual­i­ties from your mother. He saw the in­ner beauty of both of you, but you, and pos­si­bly the son, only saw the out­side ap­pear­ances of each other on first meet­ing. It is quite com­mon for over­weight peo­ple not to want another over­weight per­son as a mate, and for very skinny peo­ple, who are tired of be­ing a bone rack and don’t value thin­ness, to want a more cud­dly per­son. But, it takes a long time for curvy peo­ple to fig­ure that out and trust that it’s true. Dear Anx­ious: A strong-minded ma­ture man who was de­voted to you would say to his schem­ing mother, “That would be very un­com­fort­able for my new lady and for me, and you’ve planned all this. Hav­ing the kids dropped off for a while is one thing, but invit­ing my ex-wife for din­ner at the same as my new lady is not go­ing to hap­pen. I will stay with my girl­friend and her kids and see my own kids at my house for a big Christ­mas lunch on Christ­mas Eve or Christ­mas Day.” But, he has failed to say that, hasn’t he? In­stead, he’s cho­sen to let his mother get away with this and have you and the ex-wife en­dure the pain and awk­ward­ness while he sits boldly with his two most re­cent mates and all the kids. Let him stew as you make your plans solid — to stay home with your kids. See if he chooses to be with you. You can’t blame him for want­ing to be with his kids at Christ­mas din­ner, but if he con­tin­ues to go with his mother’s plan in­volv­ing his ex-wife, you know where you stand: third. Then it will be time to make a New Year’s res­o­lu­tion with his name on it. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Christ­mas din­ner is com­ing and my three chil­dren and I are sup­posed to be go­ing to my new man’s mother’s house with all the rel­a­tives for the first year. His mom doesn’t like me. In fact, she doesn’t like me to the point I just found out to­day she’s in­vited my hus­band’s ex-wife along with their chil­dren. I had thought just his kids were go­ing to be there for a while. I am sick to my stom­ach. I think I need to stay home, but then that plays into mama’s plan to get my boyfriend and his mar­tyred ex back to­gether. I asked him to­day to stay with me and my kids for Christ­mas din­ner. He says he can’t do that to his mother and his kids, whom he wants to see around the Christ­mas ta­ble. To me, that means he has de­cided to hon­our his mother’s evil wishes and make me the sac­ri­fi­cial lamb. What do you think it means and what should I do? — Anx­ious Mess, Selkirk Please send your ques­tions or com­ments c/o love­coach@hot­mail.com or mail let­ters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain

Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

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