Christ­mas not so merry when fu­elled by liquor


Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My fam­ily got into a big drunken fist fight over Christ­mas and some of us have cuts and wounds. It came from drink­ing rye and teas­ing my brother over who his real fa­ther is, un­til he went crazy. We think it’s our un­cle, my fa­ther’s younger brother. Then my mom and dad got into it real bad, and my fa­ther hit my mother and gave her a black eye, then we all piled on him and each other. My mother yelled, “Get out, all of you!” Every­body scat­tered and I went steam­ing back to the city (the party was at my par­ents’ in the coun­try). It was just another hor­ri­ble fam­ily feud. I swore to ev­ery­one I would never go back there, but I didn’t re­ally mean it. — Spoke Too Soon? North End Dear Spoke Too Soon: You made that vow in the heat of the mo­ment and no­body will have taken it very se­ri­ously, but here’s an idea to con­sider for the next fam­ily Christ­mas: Make a vow to your­self you’ll leave the scene as soon as the fam­ily hits the hard liquor. Go there a day early with a Christ­mas agenda of your own. Visit with your fam­ily in­di­vid­u­ally and give your gifts. If they’re not drink­ing hard at the fam­ily din­ner, stay for a bit. As soon as they get into the hard liquor, make ex­cuses, like you have a bad headache, and leave im­me­di­ately. At this point you can only con­trol your own be­hav­iour, but you can let your mom know about your new rules. It might in­flu­ence oth­ers not to booze it up, or it might not. At least, it will pro­tect you. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: About a year-and-a-half ago my boyfriend had an af­fair with a girl in his of­fice. She no longer works there, but did for a time af­ter the af­fair came to light. He and I shared a home and were best friends well be­fore we ever dated. We mended each other’s hurts: he is still is my best friend. She was younger, pret­tier and just the kind of girl he likes. Oddly enough, her name was the same as his ex­girl­friend, whom he loved deeply. That girl broke his heart and he came into our re­la­tion­ship with se­ri­ous bag­gage. I was no less wounded — volatile, un­kind and bogged down with emo­tional bag­gage — and took it out on him. But, I re­mained faith­ful. We were fight­ing ev­ery day be­fore the af­fair started. I knew in­stinc­tively it was go­ing on. I also found ev­i­dence on the com­puter, con­doms in his car and a pass code on his cell. Ul­ti­mately, he was able to con­vince me I was so crazy I sought help from a doc­tor. He told me the truth one day. I for­gave him as we have a lot more at stake than our own feel­ings. I’m glad I stayed be­cause we sur­vived and I haven’t been this happy in my whole life, but I still haven’t dealt with my feel­ings. I still think about it ev­ery day and avoid trig­gers like the park they used to sit at dur­ing lunch, or the restau­rants they used to eat at. Re­cently, I sent her a mes­sage on Face­book, telling her about the hurt she caused and re­mind­ing her that her ac­tions were her karma, and my ac­tions were mine. My BF doesn’t know. I feel like I need to tell him, or do I wait to find out if she tells him? Help, I’m torn. — Wear­ing my Big-Girl Panties

Dear Panties: If you tell him about con­tact­ing the other woman there’s go­ing to be a new wave of nasty trou­ble, so let this be your karma pun­ish­ment. Wait for a month. If he doesn’t men­tion it, she isn’t likely go­ing to tell him and you leave it alone. In the mean­time, get thee to a re­la­tion­ship coun­sel­lor, which is the best place to vent your anger. An­gry bag­gage from a pre­vi­ous ex­pe­ri­ence made you a nasty part­ner the first time around with this guy. Now you’re car­ry­ing a new load and that’s dan­ger­ous. No money for help? Some peo­ple get re­lease from beat­ing a pil­low with a plas­tic bat, or throw­ing a box of old dishes at the wall of an aban­doned farm build­ing. Do what­ever you have to do, but leave this other woman alone. Your mate chose to be with her and cheat on you. She should not have re­cip­ro­cated with a guy who was taken, but he is ac­tu­ally much more to blame for the be­trayal. Please send your ques­tions or com­ments c/o love­coach@hot­ or mail let­ters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

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