It takes courage to match out­sides, in­sides

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ARTS & LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I thought I’d ask you how you would as­sess this. For­mer Miss Universe Canada con­tes­tant Jenna Talack­ova, born male but with gen­der con­fu­sion, has be­come as much a woman as sur­gi­cally pos­si­ble. She states about her new re­al­ity show ( Brave New Girls): “I just hope I make it more so­cially ac­cept­able for any­body that’s dif­fer­ent from so­ci­ety’s kind of per­son... So I hope this show sends that mes­sage — to ac­cept peo­ple for who they are.” I’m of the opin­ion that Jenna has not and does not prac­tice what she preaches. Jenna was not ac­cept­ing of who she was and had surgery that could not ever make her truly fe­male. Jenna was also not ac­cept­ing of be­ing any­thing but a Miss Universe and celebrity. So what are your thoughts? — Con­fused but Log­i­cal Dear Con­fused: Your let­ter barely con­ceals your sneer, so I’m ask­ing you to open your mind for this an­swer: You are who you are, on the in­side. Un­like you, Jenna Talack­ova had to work to match her out­sides to her in­sides, but she was al­ways a fe­male per­son in­side. With a great deal of courage, she has done a beau­ti­ful job. As for set­tling for what­ever life deals you and not fight­ing for what you want and need, that is not an ac­cep­tance to be ap­plauded, but lack of courage. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a fe­male, at­tend­ing the same high school for years, so I know my way around. A lot of new stu­dents came in this year. One of the new fe­male stu­dents is very strange around me. She will give me ran­dom, un­de­served com­pli­ments and tries to sit near me in ev­ery class. For the first few months of school, I thought she was just try­ing to find a friend who knew the school, but she al­ready has a strong clique. How­ever, she still has a strange at­tach­ment to me. I am con­fused as to her in­ten­tions and how to deal with her. — Per­plexed, Manitoba Dear Per­plexed: Why do you have to “deal” with her? If she likes you, those are her feel­ings to deal with. You don’t need to have it out with her, or be mean, or snub her. Just like a guy who seems to like you too much, you deal with her pleas­antly and take it as a com­pli­ment, but don’t ini­ti­ate any deep­en­ing of the friend­ship. A con­fi­dent per­son al­ways thinks that some­one who seems to like them has very good taste! There is no need to dev­as­tate some­one who likes you. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in re­sponse to the guy who took his girl­friend to a vi­o­lent movie, and when she wanted him to drive her home in the mid­dle, he handed her a bus ticket. I think th­ese two young peo­ple are too self­ish and im­ma­ture to be dat­ing at all. Nei­ther knows how to be­have. When a man takes a woman on a date, he is re­spon­si­ble for see­ing her home safely. How would he feel if she had been raped or mur­dered on her way home alone? He doesn’t seem to re­al­ize he is at fault here, blam­ing her for be­ing “stub­born and stupid.” He doesn’t know how to treat a lady or how to be­have like a gen­tle­man. She, on the other hand, be­haved like a bossy lit­tle diva. She agreed to go into the movie and then de­cided she didn’t like it. Her boyfriend had sat through her ro­man­tic come­dies so, in fair­ness, she should have closed her eyes and ears and sat through his. She doesn’t seem to know or care that it’s rude to hu­mil­i­ate your date in front of oth­ers by cre­at­ing a scene in the mid­dle of a movie and de­mand­ing he jump be­cause she said so. She should have qui­etly told him the vi­o­lence both­ered her and that she’d wait for him in the lobby. Af­ter a few un­com­fort­able mo­ments with­out his date, he might have got up and driven her home. Both of th­ese kids sound too spoiled and in­con­sid­er­ate to ad­mit they were wrong. She’s en­joy­ing giv­ing him the silent treat­ment and any let­ter he might write would be just to talk some sense into her. They both need to grow up. — A Grown Up, Stonewall

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