Starring Aaron Eckhart Kildonan Place, McGillivray, Polo Park Imax, St. Vital, Towne PG 93 minutes
out of five Adam is rescued by the gargoyle minions of Queen Leonore (Miranda Otto takes on the movie’s thankless Basil Exposition duties), who explains it is the duty of all good gargoyles to keep the demons at bay. The unimpressed Adam says thanks but no thanks to Leonore’s offer of shelter, but two centuries later, still harassed by demon visits, Adam is compelled back to the massive cathedral headquarters of the gargoyles to finally get to the bottom of what the demons are plotting. He discovers, in his absence, Naberius has hired the predictably lovely, skinny blonde scientist Terra (Yvonne Strahovski) to duplicate Frankenstein’s original experiments. Adam, his woman-killing days evidently behind him, intercepts Terra to let her know the corpse-reviving experiments she is conducting on behalf of a mysterious megalomaniac may be, um, inadvisable. Adam professes disinterest in the affairs of humans, but Terra softens him with the observation: “You’re only a monster if you behave like one.” Right. And you’re only a crappy movie if you look like one. I, Frankenstein looks more like a motion comic book than a motion picture, especially with its light-show battle scenes between gargoyles and demons. When killed, gargoyles “ascend” heavenward in a blue beam of light while demons “descend” downward in red flames, so basically, it’s like a violent rave. All the film’s creative ingenuity is expended in its production design, which is, at times, impressive. Regrettably, the tone of the piece is saturated with phoney-baloney gravitas, and zero humour, which tends to leach the fun out of it. The upshot: Adam is not the only thing about this movie lacking a soul. To put it another way: It’s not alive! It’s not alive!
Can’t... reach... TV remote!: Eckhart looks more like a male model who’s been the recipient of a botched facelift than the crudely disproportional beast of Mary Shelley’s fiction.