It’s not hus­band’s fault friends are jerks

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just came back from Mex­ico where I spent time with five girl­friends. I was en­cour­aged to go by my hus­band, who stayed with our two kids, and I couldn’t love him more than I do now. My girl­friends and I flew in from dif­fer­ent points for this re­union and we had a great time re­new­ing our old friend­ships. Some are mar­ried and some are sin­gle. We went out danc­ing to­gether and the sin­gle ones did some flirt­ing with young waiters when we were at din­ners. I kept in touch daily with my hus­band on­line or by phone and came home re­freshed and grate­ful for the dar­ling guy I have, but here’s the weird part: he said he got a lot of rib­bing from two of his friends about be­ing “a sucker,” and he isn’t sure if he could ever do it again. They are sched­uled to come over in a big group for a winter bar­be­cue soon and I want to can­cel it. Should I? — Hat­ing His Friends Now, Tuxedo Dear Hat­ing: How could you can­cel? This party is his trip. If you can­celled, your guy would be hu­mil­i­ated and feel like he paid twice: with the can­celled bar­be­cue and the teas­ing over the trip. What you can do is cor­ner the two guys who did the razz­ing at the party and tell them qui­etly what you think about the way they treated your hus­band. Ex­press to them what the re­union trip meant to you and that you would never be­tray the trust of a man like that. Chances are both of these guys are on a tight leash with their mates and were sim­ply jeal­ous, or they know they’re the types to cheat and ex­pect ev­ery­one else to be like that. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my bi-po­lar mom, but pre­fer to live with my step­mom and my dad. This has my mother more de­pressed, but that’s noth­ing new. Her moods go up and down. My brother, who still lives with her, says she’s driv­ing him crazy now, too, and he also wants to move in with our dad. If that hap­pens, mom might re­ally lose it. My mom will not take her medicines prop­erly and that is the big prob­lem. I feel self­ish be­cause I’m not be­ing re­spon­si­ble and look­ing af­ter her, but I can’t do it any more, and be­sides, she doesn’t like me nearly as much as my brother. Should I call my mom’s sis­ters? — Get­ting Scared, Win­nipeg Dear Scared: By all means, call your aunts, your grand­mother, if she’s alive, and your mother’s clos­est friend. You don’t say how old you are, but her men­tal ill­ness is not the re­spon­si­bil­ity of her kids. Tell the adults she’s not tak­ing her med­i­ca­tion. Talk to your dad and step­mom about need­ing help for your mother and your brother. Ask an aunt to phone and talk with her doc­tor about this. Maybe she needs some kind of home care. It’s likely one of these peo­ple will step up and get things hap­pen­ing. Your job is to sound the alert, not to do the rest. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girl­friend and I are both 25, in love and want to run away to­gether and get mar­ried. We don’t want the so­cial, the gifts, ev­ery­body’s money, the wed­ding clothes, the cake, the big fuss, the big party and the paid-for hon­ey­moon. Her par­ents have a fund for her wed­ding, should it ever hap­pen, and mine have a liquor fund for the same thing. The only rea­son we haven’t told any­one and set a date is we’re scared this will set the whole wed­ding ma­chine in mo­tion and we wouldn’t be able to stop it. How do we han­dle this? We just want to get mar­ried at our apart­ment. — Not Go­ing the Reg­u­lar Route, West End Dear Not: Start with a lit­tle ruse. Tell both sets of par­ents why you’re never hav­ing a wed­ding and let them think about that for a while. You go about the fun part — just lov­ing each other. It will take a while to sift this mes­sage through their brains, es­pe­cially the brain of the mother of the bride. Many months later, when they might grate­ful for any wed­ding, you could throw a sur­prise wed­ding. You make the ar­range­ments and in­vite the peo­ple you want at the last minute. In­sist that the par­ents and your sib­lings come to a dress-up party at your house where you say you’re go­ing to make an im­por­tant an­nounce­ment. They will nat­u­rally think it’s an an­nounce­ment of your en­gage­ment. Just smile. Ac­tu­ally it’s an in­vi­ta­tion to your lit­tle wed­ding, the way you want it. Get the wed­ding com­mis­sioner ready to go in the af­ter­noon, have your cer­e­mony, then lay on the food and cham­pagne and cel­e­brate with the fam­ily. That night, you go off on a trip to­gether. That elim­i­nates hav­ing to lis­ten to all the fuss­ing about what the two sets of par­ents would have been pre­pared to do. Sug­gest they use those wed­ding funds to go on se­cond hon­ey­moons them­selves be­cause that would make you very happy.

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