Ex­tra plea­sure be­fore work start­ing to feel like over­time

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My beau­ti­ful wife of six months kisses me good­bye at the door and then tries to get sex­ual and pulls me back into the house for an­other round. When the weather re­cently got nice, she even came run­ning out af­ter me to the car in front of our new house to pull this stunt. I felt em­bar­rassed she was paw­ing me in pub­lic. What is wrong with her? She gets lots of sex, but it’s never enough. It’s be­gin­ning to feel like work and I’m al­ways late for my shift. — Sex Slave, Fort Richmond Dear Sex Slave: It’s a shame when plea­sure be­comes work. Is your wife not work­ing her­self or per­haps works an op­po­site shift? There’s a kind of des­per­a­tion to this sex, like “prove you love me and risk your job,” or, “I die of bore­dom once you’re gone.” Ask her gen­tly how she feels and watch her face closely; it could be re­veal­ing — un­less this is a lit­tle power game she’s play­ing. If it is a power game, she may be try­ing to prove you will risk your job for an­other taste of her charms. Then she is likely to smirk, while she pro­fesses in­no­cence. Start out by say­ing, “I’m glad you find me so at­trac­tive, but some­thing is go­ing on here other than that. It’s start­ing to bother me, so let’s talk about this hon­estly.” Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My hus­band and I have a very solid mar­riage, but the sex­ual as­pect is rou­tine. I don’t want to sep­a­rate — I love my man — but I would like to spice things up with some swing­ing. In my first mar­riage, we tried it and found it fun, but it was too late to save our mar­riage. We didn’t like be­ing in the same house for more than an hour to­gether, so we fi­nally split. My new hus­band says he’s “not into any­thing kinky.” There’s noth­ing kinky about swing­ing once you get into it. You know what they say: “It’s only kinky the first time.” — Swing­ing So­lu­tion, Win­nipeg Dear So­lu­tion: For you, the taboo is gone, but for your hus­band, it’s still a fright­en­ing bar­rier. He could be wor­ried you’ll meet some­one you like bet­ter and that will be the end of him. He may also be creeped out by the thought of be­ing naked with an­other man around, or be­ing overly turned on by an­other woman and lose you in the process. Swing­ing is not for ev­ery cou­ple and it’s only go­ing to work if both of you want to do it. That’s sim­ply not the case with your hus­band. How about role-play­ing in­stead? Let’s talk turkey: is your goal to spice up your mar­riage, or is it re­ally about get­ting some more of that swing­ing ex­pe­ri­ence? Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I caught my hus­band in a closet with his cell­phone, call­ing some­one. I sneaked up and lis­tened and it sounded like he was cry­ing or beg­ging. I ripped open the closet door and I was right: he had tears un­der his eyes and his phone clutched in his hand. I’m not stupid. I know he was talk­ing to a woman, or maybe even a man. I grabbed the phone but he had clicked it off be­fore I got it. He grabbed it back and said it was pri­vate property. I said I thought “our mar­riage was pri­vate property.” I’m preg­nant and due in the fall. I will have this baby for sure. Now what? — Go­ing to Pieces, Win­nipeg Dear Go­ing to Pieces: It’s too late to turn a blind eye. You need to find out what’s go­ing on, one way or the other. What’s hap­pen­ing can’t be any worse than what you’re imag­in­ing. If your hus­band has an­other lover, he or she may have been in the process of dump­ing him. The beg­ging, cry­ing and hid­ing makes that likely. You must find out ex­actly what your sit­u­a­tion is. You may need to find an­other place to live and call friends, rel­a­tives and close girl­friends for sup­port. You can have the baby and raise it with or with­out your hus­band. If he won’t talk, make an ap­point­ment with a mar­riage coun­sel­lor and in­sist he come with you. The coun­sel­lor will get the whole story out in the open for both of you to work on. Please send your ques­tions or com­ments c/o love­coach@hot­mail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Win­nipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain

Ave., Win­nipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

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