Con­front show­er­ing hus­band about cool­ing ar­dour

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My hus­band thinks he has to jump up and shower the mo­ment he has had sex with me. I feel like he thinks I’m dirty. I’m not. I am a woman who has just made love with her hus­band and wants cud­dling. I feel aban­doned when he leaves me like that and then I feel cold to­wards him and then it turns to a cool anger and I find ways to get even. Like, in­stead of mak­ing love to him the next day, I make him wait a week and make be­liev­able ex­cuses. He’s too stupid to get the cor­re­la­tion. This only started hap­pen­ing when he cooled off on me a bit. We have been mar­ried only two years. At first he would have loved and cud­dled me for as long as I wanted. I know I am be­ing a witch but I am so hurt. How do we change this? — Not Dirty, Win­nipeg Dear Not Dirty: Hurt is the word you need to use when you talk to him about this. And changed is an­other word that has to come into the pic­ture. Don’t use an­gry or get­ting even. Ap­peal to the bet­ter side of him. It you and he can’t work this out, now is the time to see a mar­riage coun­sel­lor, not later. And be sure your coun­sel­lor has a bias to­wards keep­ing cou­ples to­gether. When mar­riages cool off there is usu­ally a rea­son be­sides time pass­ing. Be brave enough to ask him what has cooled him to­wards you. When he is in high heat he can get past it but when the lov­ing is over his ba­sic feel­ing about you sets in. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ate some­thing bad at a very ex­pen­sive restau­rant and ended up in the bath­room for 20 min­utes half an hour af­ter we fin­ished the din­ner with wine that cost $150. My new man was so an­noyed he dropped me off and said, “Well that was the waste of money.” I couldn’t help that some food at the restau­rant ripped my guts apart. I phoned the restau­rant and they were very nice about it and gave me an in­vi­ta­tion to come back and try them again. I didn’t want to go back, but they said they’d give me a gift cer­tifi­cate. I have it and could give it to him. What should I say to him? — Vic­tim of Food Poi­son­ing Dear Vic­tim: Good­bye might a good thing to say to this fel­low. He may have paid a $150 bill but you suf­fered in the bath­room be­cause of it. It was cruel to say what he said and dump you out of the car. He should have taken you in­side the house and put you to bed and stayed awhile to make sure you were al­right. He just didn’t care that much. Some might say it was too early in the re­la­tion­ship for him to be so kind, but it would have been a good test of the re­la­tion­ship and his char­ac­ter. If you don’t want the gift cer­tifi­cate, give it to some­one with a cast iron stomach who would ap­pre­ci­ate it. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I re­ally en­joyed your re­sponses to the people weigh­ing in on the great toy de­bate. I think it’s easy for adults to for­get how ex­cit­ing birth­days are when you’re a child and how much fun it is to rip the wrap­ping paper off your gift. For us it never mat­tered if it was a re­ally bouncy rub­ber ball or a Barbie, they were all played with. The best ones were the ones my par­ents would never have picked out for us be­cause they were a lit­tle too ex­pen­sive or be­cause we al­ready had a mil­lion Bar­bies to play with. When there were too many toys, my par­ents would pack our least favourites away in the base­ment and if we didn’t miss them af­ter a cou­ple of months they would do­nate them to char­ity. Maybe par­ents do feel like the things their chil­dren need most are di­a­pers or an ed­u­ca­tion fund, but re­mem­ber the first time you un­wrapped socks and how aw­ful that was? Or worse, the first time you didn’t get a present at all from an aunt or un­cle? Let kids be kids, and not minia­ture adults. Let par­ents worry, grand­par­ents spoil and chil­dren play. There’s plenty of time for them to grow up and take on the wor­ries of the world. — Kids Need Play, Win­nipeg Dear Kids Need Play: Thanks for tak­ing the time to write, and to ev­ery­one else who wrote. We got a good dis­cus­sion go­ing on that is­sue and ev­ery­body learned a lot, in­clud­ing me. Please send your ques­tions or com­ments c/o love­coach@hot­ or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Win­nipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain Ave.,

Win­nipeg, R2X 3B6.

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