Mos­quito net can solve prob­lem of bit­ing re­marks

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My hus­band loves out­door sex in the summer sun, and I de­spise be­ing bit­ten in in­ti­mate places by the bugs. The other day, my 18-year-old daugh­ter and I were chang­ing into our bathing suits in the same cu­bi­cle by the beach and my daugh­ter said, “Mom, why do you have mos­quito bites all over your bum?” and then she blushed and said, “Never mind.” I stut­tered and then tried to cover up by say­ing, “I go com­mando un­der my summer dresses.” She was not buy­ing that and said “Ri­i­i­ight.” I don’t ex­actly know what she’s think­ing now but I told my hus­band that was the end of fool­ing around out­side. He says I’m be­ing a prude and spoil­ing some­thing that has al­ways been spe­cial for him in our mar­riage. What should I say? — No More Sex With In­sects, Grand Beach Dear Sex With In­sects: Af­ter all these years of out­door sex­ual ad­ven­tures, it’s not fair to blame your ban on your daugh­ter’s ques­tion. Tell him ex­actly how you feel about get­ting bit­ten, and that you’re tired of it — but that you have a bet­ter idea. You can carry mos­quito net­ting in the car to drape over a tree with a beach blan­ket un­der­neath you. At this point you may even want an in­flat­able mat­tress in the trunk that you blow up medium-full ahead of time. It kills the mo­ment to have to stop and blow it up (and fully in­flated ones are too bouncy any­way). If you don’t want to reek of bug spray you can slip the new neon coloured rub­ber ex­pan­sion bracelets coated with cit­ronella on your an­kles and wrists. Have fun! Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to see my favourite doc­tor at a drop-in clinic near my place. I had not seen him since Fri­day and it was Mon­day. He said, “You don’t need to come here ev­ery day, you know!” I was very em­bar­rassed and I started to cry. That is what medi­care is for. You are not to be turned away. I am old and I have aches and pains all over my body on var­i­ous days and in var­i­ous parts. I know you should al­ways tell your doc­tor as soon as some­thing starts hap­pen­ing so it doesn’t get a chance to get worse. He used some big words on me that I didn’t un­der­stand be­cause English is my sec­ond lan­guage, so I asked my neigh­bour. That doc­tor had called me a faker or a hypochon­driac, although he put that word with other words to hide it. I am not a faker. I am just old. Is that a prob­lem in Canada now? If it is, we have come to a bad, sad place when you are old and can’t get help. — Old Lady, Win­nipeg Dear Lady: Ev­ery-day vis­its are a lit­tle too much. You are right about be­ing alert to the need for help when you need it, but you need to talk to a doc­tor who will talk to you about ex­pected pain when you get older. You also need to talk about bet­ter con­trol of the daily aches and pains you have, and when to see the doc­tor about dif­fer­ent pains that sig­nal a prob­lem. For in­stance, a lot of older peo­ple feel stiff and sore with arthri­tis al­most ev­ery day when they wake up in the morn­ing and then with a lit­tle move­ment they are good again. You may have dif­fer­ent pain ex­pe­ri­ences that you need to un­der­stand, and a clear idea of the warn­ing signs when some­thing that could be more se­ri­ous. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My hus­band is an emo­tional crip­ple. He won’t tell me any­thing. He acts like a robot. Why? He says ev­ery­thing he says “goes in my ear and out my mouth,” so he can’t take the chance of con­fid­ing to me any­thing from his work or the bank or any­thing. As a re­sult, I am treated like an er­rant teenager. He says I’m ter­ri­ble at money, so now I give all my pay­cheques to him in­stead of di­rect de­posit to my ac­count. He says I put him in the hole once with the wed­ding, and he will never al­low me to do that to him again. As for his feel­ings, don’t even go there! I haven’t heard about his feel­ings since the wed­ding cer­e­mony. Sex? Oh, he’d like to com­mu­ni­cate that way twice a day, if pos­si­ble. He never says he loves me or gives me any com­pli­ments. We have only been mar­ried three years, but he is older and wants me to start the con­veyor belt at the baby fac­tory, which, thank God, is my body and he can’t con­trol it. He’s so stupid he has no idea why I’m not preg­nant or even wor­ry­ing about it at this point. I don’t even know if I love him any­more. Deep down, I want to go trav­el­ling, with­out him. Should I jump the fence while I’m still in my mid-20s and ca­pa­ble of get­ting a new hus­band and ba­bies some day? I can’t pic­ture be­ing preg­nant and de­liv­er­ing a baby with my cold-fish hus­band. — Trapped By Con­troller, River Heights Dear Trapped: Are you feel­ing deep anger, or have you fallen out of love with this man and just feel­ing cold­ness and dis­in­ter­est? Are you sub­con­sciously do­ing things to get free of him? Does he per­haps feel trapped him­self with a young woman he can’t trust not to tell se­crets and make him go broke? With or with­out him, you need get your­self to a re­la­tion­ship coun­sel­lor and get all the prob­lems out on the ta­ble, ev­ery­thing you think and feel on all as­pects of the mar­riage and your life. Once you know ex­actly how you feel and where you stand, in­sist that he go with you to that coun­sel­lor or one of his choice (who won’t be prej­u­diced to­wards you). If he doesn’t think it’s nec­es­sary, let him know it’s cri­sis time, your thoughts are or­ga­nized and you are ready to talk or walk. If that won’t fly, just ask the hard ques­tions like: Where do you stand, emo­tion­ally? Are you still “in love” with me?; 2. Will you never trust me fi­nan­cially again?; 3. Do you re­ally think you can never con­fide in me about work or your feel­ings, or it will get out to my girl­friends? and; 4. If trust and re­spect are gone, what do we have left? Per­haps you are too young to be mar­ried. Could you have sab­o­taged this re­la­tion­ship so it couldn’t last for­ever? A coun­sel­lor will help you sort out your part in the dis­in­te­gra­tion and that sit­u­a­tion and help you clar­ify what it is you want with your life. At the very least, de­posit your cheque into your own bank ac­count, pay your por­tion of the mort­gage and bills, and start liv­ing like an adult again in this mar­riage. Please send your ques­tions or com­ments c/o love­coach@hot­ or mail let­ters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Win­nipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain Ave., Win­nipeg, R2X 3B6.

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