Don’t dare lust after ‘yummy mummy’
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: It’s gotten to the point where I’m just seeing my boring and immature girlfriend so I can see her gorgeous mother. My girlfriend is six years younger than I am, and crazy jealous. Her mother is only 34 and looks 28. She had her daughter in high school. My buddies call her the “yummy mummy.” I think she likes me. She always calls me “Handsome Dude.” She has a boyfriend in his 30s, and the guy’s flabby. I lift weights five times a week. She doesn’t flirt with me (obviously she can’t), although she cooks for me a lot and makes sure I always have a drink in my hand. We were all out by her rich boyfriend’s pool this summer, and there was no comparing his body to mine. I saw her looking. I would like to break up with this girlfriend and see someone else. The truth is I’d really like to start seeing her mother someday. Any suggestions? — Big Guy, Winnipeg Dear Big Guy: I have one hot suggestion. Get away from this family before you tear them apart! Even though you took pains not to mention it, we can all do the math. You’re a 24-year-old guy dating a girl who may have been in high school last June. You are no doubt risking her getting pregnant as a teen, just like her mom did. And you have the nerve to use her so you can ogle her mom. No wonder the daughter is jealous, poor kid. By the way, the girl’s mom has picked a guy her age, not for his sexy looks, but for other things which may well include success and a good personality. She may think you’re cute to look at, but that doesn’t mean she desires you. That’s a hard concept for some guys your age to understand. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My only problem in life is money — the lack of it. I have enough money to make ends meet if I don’t gamble, but I love the thrill of poker, roulette, horse racing, VLTs and trips to Vegas. I just can’t seem to stop, and it’s mostly because I don’t want to. Gambling is the best thing in my life. I don’t have a girlfriend anymore or a lot of friends. OK, just one left. I work hard, and then I really love gambling at night. I’m not like an alcoholic, because I don’t hurt anybody except me when there’s nothing except mac and cheese to eat until payday. Even that I can put up with, because I know I will soon have a paycheque and can go play again. How can I ask for help when I don’t feel like I want it? I don’t know if I have a problem, but family, and now my buddy, tell me I’m addicted. What do you think? — Gambling Lover, Winnipeg Dear Gambling Lover: People who are addicted to alcohol love the feeling of drinking; drug users love the drug, sometimes more than their families; porn addicts really love porn. But, anti-addiction programs help you let go and find a happy life and interests you love beyond the addiction. You clearly need help. You have become isolated and you don’t even have enough money to eat between paydays. Please at least call Gamblers Anonymous (204-582-4823) and speak to someone or attend a meeting. Just go the first time, to see what it’s like. Addiction treatment and support groups help addicts to redirect their interests. Right now, your only interests are work and gambling. It sounds like friends and family have drifted off. To hide addictions, it’s common to encourage people to go away, because then there’s no one to criticize how much time and money you spend on it. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve always had hidden feelings for my first love. We all came back for a reunion recently and I’m now married. I got all stirred up about her again. We danced together and it was so intense, her husband came over and cut in. I don’t kid myself she wants me back, but there’s still electricity. She thought I was going to marry her and have children and horses and live the rural life, but I walked away. People tell me it took five years for her to get over it. She now has a farm, a good husband and half-grown kids. I have a good marriage and young family too, but I can’t sleep nights thinking about her. What should I do? — Dreaming About Her, Manitoba Dear Dreaming: She was meant to be your first love, but not your last. Nothing good can come of chasing after her now, except the possible ruination of two families. How could she trust you again? If you could walk away and break her heart back then, it wasn’t a strong enough feeling on your side to keep her. What would happen when it got back to that level of interest again for you? People don’t change that much. It wasn’t just your young ages that broke you up. There was no attempt over many years to go back to find her. Think hard about that. If you need help working this through, see a relationship counsellor, but don’t upset your wife with it. Please send your questions or comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or mail
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