Don’t dare lust after ‘yummy mummy’

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - THE SOCIAL PAGE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: It’s got­ten to the point where I’m just see­ing my bor­ing and im­ma­ture girl­friend so I can see her gor­geous mother. My girl­friend is six years younger than I am, and crazy jeal­ous. Her mother is only 34 and looks 28. She had her daugh­ter in high school. My bud­dies call her the “yummy mummy.” I think she likes me. She al­ways calls me “Hand­some Dude.” She has a boyfriend in his 30s, and the guy’s flabby. I lift weights five times a week. She doesn’t flirt with me (ob­vi­ously she can’t), although she cooks for me a lot and makes sure I al­ways have a drink in my hand. We were all out by her rich boyfriend’s pool this sum­mer, and there was no com­par­ing his body to mine. I saw her look­ing. I would like to break up with this girl­friend and see some­one else. The truth is I’d re­ally like to start see­ing her mother some­day. Any sug­ges­tions? — Big Guy, Win­nipeg Dear Big Guy: I have one hot sug­ges­tion. Get away from this fam­ily be­fore you tear them apart! Even though you took pains not to men­tion it, we can all do the math. You’re a 24-year-old guy dat­ing a girl who may have been in high school last June. You are no doubt risk­ing her get­ting preg­nant as a teen, just like her mom did. And you have the nerve to use her so you can ogle her mom. No won­der the daugh­ter is jeal­ous, poor kid. By the way, the girl’s mom has picked a guy her age, not for his sexy looks, but for other things which may well in­clude suc­cess and a good per­son­al­ity. She may think you’re cute to look at, but that doesn’t mean she de­sires you. That’s a hard con­cept for some guys your age to un­der­stand. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My only prob­lem in life is money — the lack of it. I have enough money to make ends meet if I don’t gam­ble, but I love the thrill of poker, roulette, horse rac­ing, VLTs and trips to Ve­gas. I just can’t seem to stop, and it’s mostly be­cause I don’t want to. Gambling is the best thing in my life. I don’t have a girl­friend any­more or a lot of friends. OK, just one left. I work hard, and then I re­ally love gambling at night. I’m not like an al­co­holic, be­cause I don’t hurt any­body ex­cept me when there’s noth­ing ex­cept mac and cheese to eat un­til pay­day. Even that I can put up with, be­cause I know I will soon have a pay­cheque and can go play again. How can I ask for help when I don’t feel like I want it? I don’t know if I have a prob­lem, but fam­ily, and now my buddy, tell me I’m ad­dicted. What do you think? — Gambling Lover, Win­nipeg Dear Gambling Lover: Peo­ple who are ad­dicted to al­co­hol love the feel­ing of drink­ing; drug users love the drug, some­times more than their fam­i­lies; porn ad­dicts re­ally love porn. But, anti-ad­dic­tion pro­grams help you let go and find a happy life and in­ter­ests you love beyond the ad­dic­tion. You clearly need help. You have be­come iso­lated and you don’t even have enough money to eat be­tween pay­days. Please at least call Gam­blers Anony­mous (204-582-4823) and speak to some­one or at­tend a meet­ing. Just go the first time, to see what it’s like. Ad­dic­tion treat­ment and support groups help ad­dicts to re­di­rect their in­ter­ests. Right now, your only in­ter­ests are work and gambling. It sounds like friends and fam­ily have drifted off. To hide ad­dic­tions, it’s common to en­cour­age peo­ple to go away, be­cause then there’s no one to crit­i­cize how much time and money you spend on it. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve al­ways had hid­den feel­ings for my first love. We all came back for a re­union re­cently and I’m now mar­ried. I got all stirred up about her again. We danced to­gether and it was so in­tense, her hus­band came over and cut in. I don’t kid my­self she wants me back, but there’s still elec­tric­ity. She thought I was go­ing to marry her and have chil­dren and horses and live the ru­ral life, but I walked away. Peo­ple tell me it took five years for her to get over it. She now has a farm, a good hus­band and half-grown kids. I have a good mar­riage and young fam­ily too, but I can’t sleep nights think­ing about her. What should I do? — Dream­ing About Her, Man­i­toba Dear Dream­ing: She was meant to be your first love, but not your last. Noth­ing good can come of chas­ing after her now, ex­cept the pos­si­ble ru­ina­tion of two fam­i­lies. How could she trust you again? If you could walk away and break her heart back then, it wasn’t a strong enough feel­ing on your side to keep her. What would hap­pen when it got back to that level of in­ter­est again for you? Peo­ple don’t change that much. It wasn’t just your young ages that broke you up. There was no at­tempt over many years to go back to find her. Think hard about that. If you need help work­ing this through, see a re­la­tion­ship coun­sel­lor, but don’t up­set your wife with it. Please send your ques­tions or com­ments to love­coach@hot­ or mail

let­ters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Win­nipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain

Ave., Win­nipeg R2X 3B6.

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