Three­some was hot, but left wife feel­ing cold

ARTS & LIFE

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My young wife came home from a night of drink­ing at a stagette with another beau­ti­ful woman in tow. At first, I thought she was just giv­ing her a safe place to sleep for the night, but my wife went into the bed­room with her and came back with a pink face and said, “I am join­ing Jen­nifer in the bed­room for the night and we would like to in­vite you, if you feel com­fort­able with it.” I thought about it for two whole min­utes, then said to my­self: “You idiot! When will you ever get this chance again?” So, I went in my robe, which my wife pulled off me as she ges­tured for me to get in the mid­dle of the two women. Although it started off as a great ex­per­i­ment, it ended up very sadly. I was much more in­ter­ested in the new lady and her body and it showed. I for­got my­self, and for­got about my wife to some ex­tent. Now there have been tears, a fight and lin­ger­ing ten­sion and re­sent­ment. I guess it didn’t help when I pointed out: “It was your idea. I never would have done this on my own.” Now what? — Pay­ing For It Now, Wolse­ley Dear Pay­ing For It: Three­somes re­quire a knowl­edge of sex­ual eti­quette that most peo­ple don’t have. Un­for­tu­nately you didn’t have any ex­pe­ri­ence or coach­ing ahead of time. Cou­ples have to be pre­pared for jeal­ousy in group sex sit­u­a­tions, and if one or the other is in­se­cure, a three­some is too dan­ger­ous. When you’ve been mar­ried awhile, and your mate’s body and sex­ual moves are old hat, an at­trac­tive and will­ing new lady is bound to be in­trigu­ing. It’s pos­si­ble your wife may now feel like she wants to prove her­self with some­one else, and not nec­es­sar­ily in your pres­ence. Old boyfriends or girl­friends might be called into play, as they can more eas­ily be found and might be into a “once more for old time’s sake” sce­nario. Don’t waste any more time. If you’ve stopped com­mu­ni­cat­ing, or are just say­ing the same hurt­ful things over and over again, then you two need to get a broad-minded coun­sel­lor in the mid­dle to draw out thoughts and feel­ings to try to neu­tral­ize the jeal­ousy poi­sons. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Your re­sponse to the hus­band who is mar­ried to the wife who acts like a un­happy spoiled child and is ob­sessed with get­ting preg­nant was almost spot-on. You said to try to nav­i­gate the re­la­tion­ship suc­cess­fully for another six months and in the mean­time, he should use birth con­trol. If that doesn’t work re-eval­u­ate the re­la­tion­ship. But, sorry: the risks are too great that she will get preg­nant. All the huge red flags are there that the woman is a con­trol­ling nar­cis­sist with a se­ri­ous per­son­al­ity disorder. I ex­pe­ri­enced a sim­i­lar sce­nario years ago and I fool­ishly thought I could al­ways make my whiny wife happy. Three won­der­ful kids later, she was still un­happy and ran off with another man to a dif­fer­ent coun­try in her end­less quest for hap­pi­ness. What I didn’t re­al­ize is that judges are still liv­ing back in the 1950s and almost al­ways give chil­dren to their moth­ers. That’s ex­actly what hap­pened to my chil­dren, who now live in another coun­try. My ad­vice to “Her Damn Hus­band” is run away as fast you can from your “un­happy” whiny wife, who sim­ply wants your sperm, as you will in­evitably be­come a walk­ing wal­let and will rarely see your chil­dren. — Damned Fa­ther, North End Dear Damned: What a night­mare for any par­ent to lose your kids to another coun­try! On sec­ond thought, you are right: This whiny, im­ma­ture woman is the type to get her own way, even if she had to poke holes in the con­doms. It is a tragedy to start a fam­ily with a woman when the re­la­tion­ship is likely not go­ing to work out, and she may take the chil­dren away. Go­ing to bed with­out your chil­dren un­der the roof any­more can be mis­er­able in the same city. In another coun­try? No won­der you feel like you’re damned. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I left my heart in B.C. when I came to Win­nipeg to live. The love of my life, who had been my fi­ancée, mar­ried some­one else, as she was to­tally dis­gusted with my gambling. I had got­ten in with a bad crowd, racked up big gambling debts and there were some fright­en­ing threats from peo­ple I owed money to. I don’t think she will ever come back to me. I sold my house, paid my debts and moved here to ad­dress my gambling ad­dic­tion, and that’s what I have done for three years. Now I hear that she and her hus­band have split. Should I try? I still dream of her most ev­ery night. — For­ever in Love, Win­nipeg Dear For­ever: Why not try? If you don’t, you will al­ways won­der if she broke up with him be­cause she was still in love with you. At least get in touch. If she swore off you, she’s more likely to read a hand­writ­ten let­ter, as they are sur­prises to peo­ple who only get email. They carry more weight, and are more ro­man­tic in your own hand­writ­ing. Tell her you have never stopped loving her and still dream of her. It is not the time for re­straint. Ask her if she would like to come to Win­nipeg for a visit. Go­ing back to the world where you got into trou­ble would be stupid and per­haps dan­ger­ous to your clean way of life now. By the way, it’s im­por­tant to know how much of an ef­fect your ex had on your ad­dic­tion. Was she an en­abler? Did she gam­ble with you, at least in the be­gin­ning? If there were stresses there, those stresses may resur­face and you could slide back into old habits with her. Think that over. Please send your ques­tions or com­ments to love­coach@hot­mail.com or mail let­ters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Win­nipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain

Ave., Win­nipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

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