Trust your gut about sneak­ing sus­pi­cions

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a 22-year-old univer­sity stu­dent work­ing part time at a hos­pi­tal. I met my very re­cent ex-boyfriend work­ing there. A cou­ple of weeks ago I in­vited him to a fundraiser at a club where I’m a mem­ber. One of the women I work with asked me if she could come along, as she was bored. I said OK be­cause I was go­ing to be busy work­ing the bar. When I fi­nally got free, I couldn’t find them any­where. Fi­nally, an em­bar­rassed friend told me she’d seen them leav­ing to­gether. I called my boyfriend’s cell — it wasn’t on. I called my girl­friend’s phone and I could hear my boyfriend’s dis­tinc­tive don­key laugh and her shush­ing him. I said, “I can hear him laugh­ing, so don’t pre­tend he’s not there!” She crum­pled and said they left the party be­cause it was too bor­ing and went to her place for cof­fee. I hung up, bro­ken-hearted. Since then, I won’t an­swer their calls or talk to ei­ther of them at work. They both act like noth­ing hap­pened, but deep down, some­thing tells me it isn’t so. Should I give my boyfriend a sec­ond chance? — Lonely and Hurt­ing, West End Dear Hurt­ing: Trust your gut, which is say­ing you’ll be hurt­ing a lot more if you take him back. Why would you give ei­ther of them a sec­ond chance when there are nicer peo­ple in the world who wouldn’t go be­hind your back? What the two of them did — sneak­ing off to a pri­vate place with­out telling you — was guar­an­teed to be hurt­ful to you. Even if they didn’t ac­tu­ally have sex, they ditched you and you had to chase them to find them. Once you lose trust, you have noth­ing left as a foun­da­tion to the re­la­tion­ship. Bro­ken trust is like a three­legged ta­ble: it’s sit­ting there against the wall ready to col­lapse again and again. As for your fe­male fren­emy, find some­one less dan­ger­ous to talk to at work. She’s a schemer and prob­a­bly asked to tag along on your date be­cause she al­ready had her eye on your man. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In re­sponse to Gotta Move Fast (the women with an at­trac­tive elec­tri­cian work­ing at her house) I find it amaz­ing that this woman seems to think that elec­tri­cians are dumb oafs that maybe grad­u­ate high school then fall into em­ploy­ment as elec­tri­cians. Think­ing that elec­tri­cians are not univer­sity ed­u­cated, and there­fore are not “the in­tel­lec­tual type,” is ridicu­lous. It takes a lot of time and hard work to be­come an elec­tri­cian. It takes years of school and prac­ti­cal on-the­job train­ing to be­come a journeyman elec­tri­cian. Part of your re­sponse should have been to ac­tu­ally en­gage her “eye candy” in an ac­tual con­ver­sa­tion. I’m sure she would find out very quickly just how in­tel­li­gent and ar­tic­u­late her elec­tri­cian is. — Amazed, Win­nipeg Dear Amazed: Hmm. You have half a point but with this lady’s con­de­scend­ing at­ti­tude, the elec­tri­cian she’s lust­ing after may be bet­ter off not get­ting to know her. He can shoot sparks else­where, feel­ing re­spected and ap­pre­ci­ated. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am a guy and got the mys­tery flower treat­ment at work for my birth­day from some­one, and I still don’t know who did it. It is giv­ing me the creeps and I feel like I’m be­ing watched by some­one to see how I like their gift. I don’t. I feel silly with roses on my desk and peo­ple spec­u­lat­ing. They have been here 24 hours now be­cause I don’t want to hurt the per­son who sent them by throw­ing them out. There are three women I think who might have done it: an older woman who has eyes for me, my best friend at work who se­cretly wants more, I think, and an old girl­friend from the first floor who still wants me back. I don’t think I want to go out with any of those three. Do I have to do any­thing about this? My old work­place was small and no­body could get away with this or you’d know. I won­der who did it, but in a way, I don’t want to know. I was brought up to be po­lite. — Feel­ing Awk­ward, Broad­way Dear Awk­ward: You don’t owe any­thing to any­body when they don’t sign their name. It isn’t cute to put you on the spot like that. You should have taken the roses home the first night and given them to a flower-loving per­son in your fam­ily, ex­plain­ing hon­estly they were mys­tery flow­ers from some­one at work, and you feel silly hav­ing them. You cer­tainly didn’t owe it to the sender to leave them on your desk where every­body would no­tice and com­ment. Please send your ques­tions or com­ments to love­coach@hot­ or mail let­ters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Win­nipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain Ave.,

Win­nipeg, R2X 3B6

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