Part­ner’s con­sis­tent ‘wah, wah, wah’ a ma­jor flaw

ARTS & LIFE

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a boyfriend who’s al­ways com­plain­ing. They aren’t big com­plaints, just fussy ones, like, “They don’t make cars/break­fast ce­real/Kraft Din­ner/Coke/ wood fur­ni­ture like they used to.” “My feet are al­ways cold and I don’t know why,” or, “I don’t like any of the movies out now,” Wah, wah, wah. He sounds like an old man, but he’s only 33. His whole day starts and ends with com­plain­ing. Oth­er­wise, he’s kind and sweet, al­beit a bit wimpy. I haven’t had a boyfriend for a long time and I have no com­plaints about him in the bed­room, so I have en­joyed that as­pect. There he shines be­cause he has bet­ter things to do with his mouth than whine. But this morn­ing after mak­ing love, he said, “Why don’t women wear garter belts and stock­ings like they used to? It would make things so much more in­ter­est­ing.” For some rea­son I just freaked. “All you do is com­plain, com­plain, com­plain!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Get out of my house now!” He was out on the front steps in just his jeans knock­ing on the door. I opened it and threw the rest of his stuff out. I just lost it. What hap­pened? Am I cracking up, or did he de­serve that? — Over­re­act­ing? St. Boni­face Dear Over­re­act­ing: The crack about the garter belt lit the last straw on the camel’s back on fire. You waited far too long to com­plain, Lady Camel. Some peo­ple re­ally en­joy kvetch­ing. It’s deeply sat­is­fy­ing, like scratch­ing an itch. They get re­lief from what’s re­ally bug­ging them: the dis­sat­is­fac­tion with their own lives. You don’t need a 33-year-old com­plainer in your life and lots of guys in north­ern climes are good in bed — some­thing to do with the cold weather! Be glad you fi­nally ditched the whiner. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 54 and my wife is 49. Some­thing is go­ing on with her. In the last six months she’s lost 35-40 pounds, works out at the gym, dyed her hair red, bought new clothes and jew­el­ery and wears some kind of oil that drives me crazy. She looks fan­tas­tic, but it’s not for me. She doesn’t seem any more in­ter­ested in sex than she was be­fore she dropped the fat off her body, and she’s never at home — she’s at the gym all the time. To­day I was miss­ing her and had this sense some­thing was wrong, so I went by her gym to see if she wanted to go for lunch. I saw her out­side with this big jock. She was look­ing right up into his eyes and she touched him as if to lean up and kiss him. I honked the horn and she jumped. When she got over to my car, I said, “I was go­ing to ask you to lunch, but it looks like you’re busy hit­ting on that guy.” Then I squealed off. Is she flirt­ing with half the guys there, or just with him? It’s killing me. She’s the love of my life and my sec­ond wife. We both cheated dur­ing our first mar­riages (with each other), and we also met at a gym. Is she at it again? What should I do? — Sick to my Stom­ach, South Win­nipeg Dear Sick: It’s fairly likely some­thing is go­ing on. You went to your wife’s gym unan­nounced be­cause there were so many clues you couldn’t ig­nore them any more. The cheat­ing taboo was bro­ken dur­ing your af­fair to­gether, or maybe even be­fore. Some peo­ple take the “all is fair in love” at­ti­tude. If they feel some­thing phys­i­cal or emo­tional for some­one new, they call it fate and go with it. You have to talk to her, the sooner the bet­ter, as it’s eat­ing you up, and sug­gest coun­selling. If you’re afraid she’ll just say, “Well then, leave!” see a lawyer first, es­pe­cially if there’s some­thing to lose fi­nan­cially. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a won­der­ful man sit­ting on a bench at The Forks. It turned out we went to the same high school six years apart. We still knew all the same teach­ers and had some great laughs. We kept meet­ing all sum­mer on the bench. I’m mar­ried, and he is di­vorced. Why do I of­ten sit on that same park bench and watch the river? Be­cause my mar­riage is empty. I’m safe and se­cure and there is enough money from my hus­band to take us to the end of our lives with­out my work­ing. We couldn’t have kids and I am 45 now and my life feels de­void of love. My hus­band is Mr. Su­per Sales­man and a golfer in the spring/sum­mer/ early fall and a curler the rest of the time. He had an af­fair once that I know of, with a curler, and I for­gave him. I didn’t cheat back. But now, I’m fall­ing for my friend. I phoned and asked him to come back and meet me at The Forks this week­end for cof­fee be­cause I missed him. I’ve never told him I’m at­tracted to him (although I am) but he has told me. What should I do? — Lonely Sports Widow, Win­nipeg Dear Sports Widow: You’re locked up in golden hand­cuffs be­cause you en­joy liv­ing on your hus­band’s money. The good news? You have the key, but it will take (drum roll, please) work on your part. You need a job, or two part-time jobs, to be­come self-sup­port­ing and get your own full life hap­pen­ing. Once you’re fi­nan­cially in­de­pen­dent, get out of your sham mar­riage. By the way, what makes you think your hus­band wants to spend the rest of his life in an empty mar­riage? He’s had one af­fair; he could eas­ily have another that catches fire, and he’ll want his free­dom. Your days as a cou­ple may be num­bered al­ready and you don’t know it, so get busy and get your­self free. You might even end up hav­ing a re­la­tion­ship with the park-bench man. Please send ques­tions to love­coach@hot­mail.com or mail let­ters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Win­nipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain Ave., Win­nipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

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