Ex-hus­band back and he’s still on the at­tack

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I heard fight­ing go­ing on right be­low me in my apart­ment block. It sounded eerily like the fights I used to have with my brute of a hus­band. It turned out it was my ex­hus­band. I rec­og­nized the hor­ri­ble in­sult­ing words he was yelling. Then I saw his ugly rust­bucket out­side. He ac­tu­ally had the nerve to have a thing go­ing on with another woman in my block. I was livid and steamed down­stairs and banged on the door, yelling “It’s the su­per­in­ten­dent.” (Ac­tu­ally, the su­per is my friend). When the woman opened the door, she rec­og­nized me and gasped. I said, “As you know very well, this is a vi­o­lent abuser and an SOB. I kicked him out of our place and took him to court be­cause of the beat­ings. I won’t put up with hear­ing it again, sec­ond-hand. I’m call­ing the cops!” As I backed away with my phone, I said: “His next move will be to beat you up. He’s drunk and I know the stage he’s at.” Their mouths had both fallen open and he said I was a liar. I said I wasn’t and that was why we had to go to court. Be­fore I left, I turned to her and said, “Lady, if you ever have him back here, I swear I will get you kicked out of this block.” Two min­utes later, he was in his car speed­ing away. She came up later and apol­o­gized, and asked me to tell her about him so she “wouldn’t be tempted.” Re­ally? I just told her to go away, that it was dan­ger­ous for me to have him inside this block. I told her she was stupid if she be­lieved his crap. God knows she over­heard our hor­ri­ble fights. Was that the right thing to do? — Tough Mama Too Late, North End Dear Tough: No doubt he thought he’d sneak in and hit on the down­stairs neigh­bour as another way to get at you. But you lost it. You fool­ishly com­pro­mised your own safety. Your smartest, safest move would have been to call the po­lice di­rectly. You’re lucky your ex was shocked and lost his nerve when he saw you be­cause just min­utes ear­lier he had been head­ing from ver­bal to phys­i­cal abuse with this new woman. You may want to go down there and have a talk with her about the abuse he metes out and con­vince her to stay away from him — it would be best for both of you. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Long ago I was in love with the young mother of my best friend. I was 17 and she was only 16 years older. At 33, she was beyond beau­ti­ful and I felt she was vul­ner­a­ble as a sin­gle mom. I hinted I would pro­tect her if she had any prob­lems with guys. I thought be­cause I was a big guy — six-foot-three — she would want my pro­tec­tion, but she let me know she was able to take care of her­self. I left to work in another prov­ince after that year and only came back this fall. I ran into her at Sobeys and almost knocked her over with my hand bas­ket. She looked up, laughed and said, “I think I need somebody to save me from you!” I blushed. I’m 28 now, peo­ple tell me I’m good-look­ing and she still looks gor­geous. I asked her to go for cof­fee and a chat. We sat there and talked too much about her son, my old buddy. I re­al­ized I was still wildly at­tracted to her. She said she had a man in her life now, but I still wanted to ask her out. She seemed at­tracted to me. Was I dream­ing? Should I go see her? — Bad Friend, South End

Dear Bad: Go see her if you need a bucket of wa­ter dumped over your head. You are her son’s friend and she has a man in her life, so what are you go­ing to say to her if you show up at her door? She may have had a twin­kle in her eye at the store be­cause she could see you all lit up like a Christ­mas tree, but that’s it. It’s an ego stroke for her, but she knows it would be a cat­a­strophic be­trayal of her son/ your buddy. Look, you sim­ply can’t have ev­ery­one you want in this world, which is why there are so many pos­si­ble mates, and you only need one of them. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hurt my left knee play­ing foot­ball this year and I find sex painful if I’m do­ing the work in mis­sion­ary po­si­tion. I need to be on my back. My girl­friend is tired of do­ing all the work be­cause I used to make a big fuss out of plea­sur­ing her. She whines I’m a “strictly work-to-rule lover” now, which is a big drag. She said to me last night: “I used to love you when you were good to me, but now I think you’re just fak­ing it so you don’t have to put out any ef­fort.” I said, “It you don’t love me any more, pack and leave.” I didn’t think she would. To­day she is pack­ing and I am on my com­puter writ­ing you. What am I sup­posed to do now? My leg won’t be com­pletely bet­ter un­til I have an op­er­a­tion and re­cover from that, which will prob­a­bly be in about six months. And what am I any­way — noth­ing more than a bro­ken sex ma­chine to her? I am so mad I feel like throw­ing her out faster than she’s pack­ing. We used to do ev­ery­thing to­gether and now she’s al­ways out at the bar with her girl­friends, prob­a­bly flirt­ing with all the guys. — Walk­ing Wounded, West­wood

Dear Walk­ing: Just let her walk. You can do bet­ter than this for a love re­la­tion­ship. Six months of less-thanath­letic sex should not be a big deal for a cou­ple who love each other a lot. That be­ing said, there’s much more you can do with a bum leg than just lie on your back. If noth­ing cre­ative comes to mind, there are books with a new po­si­tion for ev­ery week of the year at the big-box stores and sex shops. As for the com­plaint about not do­ing things to­gether any­more, are we to guess that the things you did be­fore were sport­sre­lated? Maybe you should take a lit­tle break and get in touch with things you liked to do out­side of sports be­fore you start dat­ing again. Re­mem­ber the old adage: “The best re­venge is liv­ing well.” Please send ques­tions and com­ments to love­coach@hot­mail.com or mail Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Win­nipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain Ave.,

Win­nipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

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