Cold feel­ings re­main after po­ten­tial out­door romp goes limp

ARTS & LIFE

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I walked down a coun­try road into some bushes with my girl­friend in the brisk fall weather we’ve been hav­ing and came upon a hunter’s hut. It was un­locked and we peeked in. She’s a coun­try girl and lit a fire out­side in the camp­fire area with matches she found in a tin. We were hav­ing a cosy time talk­ing and then she de­cided she wanted to do the wild thing by the fire. I try to be a good sport, but I just couldn’t pic­ture freez­ing parts of my anatomy get­ting warmed up to say we did it out­doors and add another notch in her ad­ven­tur­ous life. I wimped out and we walked home in si­lence. “City boy!” she said in dis­gust. She was so an­noyed with me she wouldn’t even hold my hand. Did I blow it? Should I have done the dirty deed out there in the bush? — City Boy, Charleswood Dear City Boy: If you were a real match for this girl you would have wanted to do it as much as she did. You hon­estly told her you didn’t fancy a romp in the cold. She was dis­ap­pointed, but you have ev­ery right to say no to any sex­ual thing you don’t want to do. She may skip right over this re­fusal after the ini­tial pout, or she may think you’re too wimpy for her. So what? Maybe you have other ad­ven­tures you would rather try that in­volve in­door temps and a bed. Could be it’s time for you two to move on to other peo­ple, and it may be you have no choice. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I was trav­el­ling in another con­ti­nent, I un­know­ingly ate some strange an­i­mals that were cooked into stews. When we got back, my buddy told me that he knew back then what we were eat­ing, but kept it se­cret be­cause we had to eat some­thing and that’s all the peo­ple had to give us. “Ev­ery­thing tastes like chicken any­way!” he said, laugh­ing at me. He was the ex­pe­ri­enced leader and I fol­lowed him, not ask­ing ques­tions. Now I’m creeped out ev­ery day by what I ate in those coun­tries. I am a meat eater here in Canada, but just the usual ones. How can I get past the sick feel­ing? I keep think­ing about th­ese meals. — Feel­ing Nau­seous, Transcona Dear Feel­ing Nau­seous: How much longer do you want to tor­ture your­self? There is noth­ing you can do at this point, and you didn’t get sick. You can stop play­ing that travel mem­ory tape at the be­gin­ning in­stead of reel­ing it through and “aw­ful-iz­ing.” Those mys­tery meat din­ners have long passed through you, and are all gone, just as the cows from the ham­burg­ers you’ve eaten are long gone. Why are you hang­ing onto this? You were in­no­cent and didn’t know you were eat­ing foods that were taboo for you. Your friend should have told you, but he didn’t want to rock the boat with the groups you were vis­it­ing, and he wanted both of you to have some­thing to eat. Let it go, and next time travel in less ex­otic places where you can be the leader who knows what’s go­ing into the boil­ing pot be­sides some an­noy­ing tourists. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I read the prob­lem from On Pro­ba­tion From Her (about the girl who uses her best friend as a cry­ing towel) I couldn’t help but be­ing re­minded of a sit­u­a­tion from when I was in high school. I’d got­ten my heart bro­ken and was a mess. Here I was, the popular cap­tain of the foot­ball team who couldn’t pay at­ten­tion in class be­cause I was keep­ing my eyes down for fear of see­ing her, and be­ing gen­er­ally de­pressed, for months. My ad­vice to this per­son is to “fake it un­til you make it.” It may hurt inside, but even fake smiles make you feel bet­ter on a biological level. Even­tu­ally her smiles will be­come gen­uine and her friend may want to come back. Life is an ad­ven­ture, and if you start think­ing of it that way, things get bet­ter. — Been There, Win­nipeg Dear Been There: Here’s another de­pres­sion-fight­ing idea: some­times feed­ing your­self a diet of hu­mour can help you climb up after a breakup. A steady date with a com­edy club, see­ing each po­ten­tial new star as they come through, can be the feel-good in­jec­tion you need. Comics don’t talk about their great suc­cesses. They gen­er­ally make com­edy out of the dif­fi­cult sit­u­a­tions they face (or pre­tend they face) and peo­ple can re­late to that and laugh. For peo­ple too young to get into clubs, Net­flix has a bunch of standup spe­cials and YouTube is filled with clips. The best place to dump all that breakup sad­ness is a coun­sel­lor’s of­fice — some­one who has the tools and ex­pe­ri­ence to turn a per­son around faster. Even best friends don’t want to hear months and months of bit­ter­ness be­cause it brings them down, too. Please send your ques­tions or com­ments to love­coach@hot­mail.com or mail let­ters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Win­nipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain

Ave., Win­nipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

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