Your fan­tasy isn’t based in your drunken re­al­ity


Winnipeg Free Press - SundayXtra - - ENTERTAINMENT -

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I came home from a party with my wife and her best friend and I think I passed right out. In the morn­ing, I awoke be­tween my wife and her friend and we were all spoon­ing un­der the cov­ers. I don’t know if any­thing ex­cit­ing hap­pened, but I’d love to know. My wife is not say­ing any­thing. I love my wife be­yond any­thing words can ex­press, but do you think maybe some­thing hap­pened with her girl­friend? I am wast­ing a lot of time day­dream­ing about this at work. — Did I Have a Three­some? Tuxedo

Dear Did I: Silly boy! That will teach you to get so blasted you missed out on what might have been a three­some — the all- time No. 1 fan­tasy for most men. Chances are it was noth­ing of the kind, or your wife would have had some­thing to say about it by now. Think about this prac­ti­cally: Since you came home from the party stag­ger­ing and were so ine­bri­ated you passed out, you wouldn’t have been use­ful to one lady in the kip, never mind two. Don’t be fool­ish enough to ask your wife about it now, as you won’t be able to keep the hope­ful sound out of your voice. Most wives don’t find the idea the least at­trac­tive. For some, a three­some is like watch­ing one’s hus­band cheat with a woman who’s more in­ter­est­ing be­cause she’s a nov­elty.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into the for­mer love of my life on Broad­way at Manyfest. His present girl­friend ( a troll if there ever was one) hadn’t come out with him that night. His buddy was just leav­ing, and my ex wanted to stay with me. Ec­stasy! I dumped my girl­friends and he and I wan­dered off dur­ing the last band and got into a pas­sion­ate thing in some bushes on the leg­isla­tive grounds. It was just as mad and crazy as old times. This week, I phoned him at work and asked him if he wanted to see me again this week, and he said, “I thought we were just hav­ing some fun. I’m not leav­ing my girl­friend.” I feel used and feel like phon­ing her to tell her he’s cheat­ing. Should I? — Sorely Tempted, Down­town

Dear Tempted: It’s wise to imag­ine blow­ing the whis­tle be­fore do­ing it. Pic­ture your­self phon­ing up the new girl­friend and telling her you were mash­ing with her boyfriend be­hind a bush. That may well break them up, but it won’t send him run­ning back into your arms. He will call you up one more time — to tell you what a witch you are and how he never wants to lay eyes on you again in this life­time. Why bring that dirty dish­wa­ter down on your head? You knew he had a girl­friend who wasn’t with him that night, so you weren’t so in­no­cent your­self. Think of it as “a stolen mo­ment” and just let it go.

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