Your fantasy isn’t based in your drunken reality
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I came home from a party with my wife and her best friend and I think I passed right out. In the morning, I awoke between my wife and her friend and we were all spooning under the covers. I don’t know if anything exciting happened, but I’d love to know. My wife is not saying anything. I love my wife beyond anything words can express, but do you think maybe something happened with her girlfriend? I am wasting a lot of time daydreaming about this at work. — Did I Have a Threesome? Tuxedo
Dear Did I: Silly boy! That will teach you to get so blasted you missed out on what might have been a threesome — the all- time No. 1 fantasy for most men. Chances are it was nothing of the kind, or your wife would have had something to say about it by now. Think about this practically: Since you came home from the party staggering and were so inebriated you passed out, you wouldn’t have been useful to one lady in the kip, never mind two. Don’t be foolish enough to ask your wife about it now, as you won’t be able to keep the hopeful sound out of your voice. Most wives don’t find the idea the least attractive. For some, a threesome is like watching one’s husband cheat with a woman who’s more interesting because she’s a novelty.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into the former love of my life on Broadway at Manyfest. His present girlfriend ( a troll if there ever was one) hadn’t come out with him that night. His buddy was just leaving, and my ex wanted to stay with me. Ecstasy! I dumped my girlfriends and he and I wandered off during the last band and got into a passionate thing in some bushes on the legislative grounds. It was just as mad and crazy as old times. This week, I phoned him at work and asked him if he wanted to see me again this week, and he said, “I thought we were just having some fun. I’m not leaving my girlfriend.” I feel used and feel like phoning her to tell her he’s cheating. Should I? — Sorely Tempted, Downtown
Dear Tempted: It’s wise to imagine blowing the whistle before doing it. Picture yourself phoning up the new girlfriend and telling her you were mashing with her boyfriend behind a bush. That may well break them up, but it won’t send him running back into your arms. He will call you up one more time — to tell you what a witch you are and how he never wants to lay eyes on you again in this lifetime. Why bring that dirty dishwater down on your head? You knew he had a girlfriend who wasn’t with him that night, so you weren’t so innocent yourself. Think of it as “a stolen moment” and just let it go.