Your time as de­voted sex slave is up if you can’t make it per­ma­nent


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DMISS LONELYHEARTS: I knew from the be­gin­ning my new girl­friend was kinky, but I was open to it. I’d never had any ex­pe­ri­ence other than straightar­row sex, and I was cu­ri­ous. When I told her, she had a skep­ti­cal look on her face and said, “You don’t know what you’re get­ting into.” As a re­sult, I have ended up play­ing de­voted slave to her Mis­tress role for six months. But now we have a big prob­lem. She wants me to get a big, vis­i­ble slave tat­too on my neck to prove I be­long to her for­ever.

This has opened up the ques­tion: Do I re­ally want to be her pos­ses­sion for­ever? Last night the an­swer came to me, and it was a sur­pris­ing no. I pic­ture my­self 10 years down the road, mar­ried to a woman who is much warmer than Mis­tress and wants kids and hockey rinks and all the stuff I grew up with. Here’s the thing: I do still love Mis­tress, so how do I tell her she’s not the fi­nal one and I don’t want per­ma­nent mark­ings of a tat­too to pledge al­le­giance to Her Majesty? — Not Ready To Leave Her, Down­town

Dear Not Ready: There’s a bat­tle over bound­aries on the hori­zon and you need to en­cour­age it. Hinge it on the tat­too. Tell her you won’t have one. Play­ing games and ador­ing your games- part­ner is one thing. But once you reach a cross­road and you know you don’t want to go fur­ther emo­tion­ally, it’s time to take back your power and state your lim­its clearly. This talk will prob­a­bly segue into how de­voted you re­ally are, and why you won’t show proof of that on your body. That’s when you have to tell her good­bye. It may be a lit­tle too soon for you, emo­tion­ally, but you know for sure you don’t want to be to­gether with her down the road, so it’s fair to end it now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man at the air­port when I was wait­ing for a night plane and we got into some heavy flirt­ing. We were go­ing to the same city. We car­ried on in the half- empty plane, tak­ing over two seats to­gether, steal­ing kisses and touch­ing. Then I re­mem­bered my lit­tle travel blan­ket. You can fig­ure out what hap­pened next. When we landed, we were both so keyed up, we took the same cab into the city, mak­ing out a lit­tle in the back seat. We went straight to his ho­tel where we had, in my opin­ion, the best thing go­ing — nov­elty sex. This car­ried on for two days, as we were both at con­fer­ences that didn’t re­quire too much re­port­ing in.

We knew we were both mar­ried from the start. I thought of what we were do­ing as a mag­i­cal hol­i­day from my mar­riage, which is just fine, but a lit­tle bor­ing sex­u­ally. The new man’s mar­riage is truly lousy — mar­ried to a dumb­bell, his high school sweet­heart. He feels stuck with her for the sake of the kids. Big trou­ble! He has phoned me at work ev­ery day since I got home, beg­ging to come and see me. ( He lives in the coun­try.) I re­ally need to get rid of him, or he could wreck my mar­riage. How do I stop his call­ing and beg­ging with­out hurt­ing him? He is a sweet guy. I feel a bit guilty, but he’s a big boy, so re­ally, what’s his prob­lem? — Sorry, But Not In­ter­ested, Winnipeg

Dear Sorry: Some fool­ish women are once again un­der the im­pres­sion men are the in­sen­si­tive cads of the Mad Men play­boy days. A few still are, but many more men were raised by mod­ern par­ents and were en­cour­aged to grow up with their feel­ings and sen­si­tiv­i­ties in­tact. You were act­ing like an old- fash­ioned play­girl with this guy, like he had no feel­ings to worry about. So don’t try to make your­self look good. Take a deep breath and tell your fling part­ner ex­actly what you told me. Apol­o­gize for giv­ing him the im­pres­sion it was any­thing more than a fun cou­ple of days. Say you’re very sorry for hurt­ing and dis­ap­point­ing him, and then ask him very bluntly not to con­tact you ever again. Let him start to dis­like you, so he can start get­ting over you.

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