Don’t blame yourself for amorous feelings
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve never had a crush on another woman before, but I can’t pass this off as a “buddy” feeling anymore. I met this woman through our mutual love of gardening, and she lives just down the block. She’s newly separated and I am divorced. I know she’s lonely and don’t want to take advantage of her mixed-up feelings.
The trouble is, she likes to garden in the briefest of casual clothes and invites me to use her pool and hot tub. I swam at her place yesterday and all these strange sexual feelings came over me and I ended up abruptly leaving and running home. I took a cold shower, threw myself on the bed and cried. I don’t want to be a lesbian. — Fighting my Feelings, River Heights
Dear Fighting my Feelings: Stop blaming yourself for feelings that have come upon you. It’s not unusual for a person of either sex who is lonely for the human touch to experience an incident of attraction to the same sex at some point. Have you ever been attracted to any other woman, or is this totally new? Sexual preference is a continuum that can ebb and flow in different circumstances.
Rather than run from this situation, you might ask a few questions about your friend’s relationship history with men and women. There could be a reason her clothes are so brief and titillating, or it may mean nothing at all. Have you had any hints from her or signs that she might be interested in you physically? You won’t get a chance to act on your crush if she doesn’t have the same feelings of desire, because it takes two to tango. Then nothing is going to happen.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I took my husband out in my new boat and we started to argue over how fast I was driving. I made the mistake of calling him a wimp and he said I was a ball-breaker. I said there was no need to be crude, and that if he felt his manhood was in question because I bought a speedboat then he had big problems.
When he married me after six months of fastand-furious dating, he knew I liked sports and fast vehicles. I fell in love with him because I felt I could be myself: a strong woman with a lot of active hobbies. Now he seems to be backtracking. He doesn’t find it cute that I have continued being who I am, and that seems to show him up in front of his friends.
I am never going to be a girly-girl, but now I’ve got a wedding band on my finger. I do love this man. but how can I continue to be myself and keep him? — Speed Queen, Crestview
Dear Speed: Your husband may not have known how he would feel when you continued to be Wonder Woman past the initial phase of your marriage. Now you’re in the more difficult reality stage. This is when a new husband and wife wheel and deal with the truths of each other and hopefully come out with a situation that respects both partners.
He wasn’t worried about your hobbies in the beginning, or else he wouldn’t have married you, so what’s going on? Ask him if he’s been getting some teasing from his friends over your new speedboat purchase. Does he feel forced to ride in the passenger seat while you whip around the lake? Maybe it’s time to pass the controls over to him sometimes and let him enjoy the speed and the wind in his hair. He could take some of those friends for a ride without you at the wheel.
What do you want from him? Nobody is happy when they’re faking it. Are you looking for a “manly man” to join you in your hobbies, or do you just want him to be who he is? You two need to stop the name- calling and have a heart-toheart. Please send your questions and comments to email@example.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg,
MB, R2X 3B6