Self-esteem can be fixed bit by bit
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been single for 11 years (zero dates) and am starting to get very worried. Whenever an opportunity comes up to pick up or date a woman, I turn cold and shallow like a statue and run for the hills at the last moment. I’m starting to think there’s something biologically wrong with my brain. I can’t afford to see a psychologist.
There are currently two women in my life who I think are interested in me, and I’m attracted to both of them, but I don’t want to try to pick either one up because I need more time to work on myself. I have issues with weight, self-esteem and finances. And I’m worried I’m just doing what I’ve always done — making excuses. I’m in my early 30s and don’t want to be single for the rest of my life. — Worried Guy, Winnipeg
Dear Worried: The two women attracted to you right now are not attracted to a future you — no makeover is needed, so that excuse is gone. As for self-esteem, here’s more positive news: people aren’t stuck with the self-esteem level they have coming out of their families of origin, schooling and work experiences. You can create higher esteem, block by block. Make a list of challenges that interest you in life. With each challenge you conquer, your self-esteem goes up.
When you come off a big challenge you’ll feel a rush of good feelings, much as a person feels when they win a medal. That’s an excellent time to ask someone out. Building-block challenges don’t have to be done in order of difficulty. Start with an easy one this week.
As for finances, admit you’re not good at handling money right now and get help and knowledge through reading. A famous book by Napoleon Hill called Think & Grow Rich is a good attitudechanger, and an easy read for anybody. The final thing you should do, since you feel stuck, is to get counselling. Free walk-in sessions are available most days of the week at Klinic at 545 Broadway. Call 204-784- 4067 for hours.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I wanted to write about Disappointed whose wife doesn’t want to go camping anymore. Your suggestion of a trailer is excellent, but what if they can’t afford it? What really struck me is that the wife continued doing her day job on the weekend without any of the amenities she normally has. No wonder she hates camping!
Her husband should tell her he’ll look after the sick kids and do all the cooking when they’re camping. Her job is to think of activities and games they could do as a family. Maybe he won’t enjoy camping as much under those conditions, but as time goes on they might find a way to share chores so they both enjoy a weekend of camping with the kids. — Takes Two to Tango, Winnipeg
Dear Takes Two: Your idea is creative, but it’s doubtful the husband — the camping-activity enthusiast — will want to do all the child care and cooking while Mom comes up with activities. Either they start out with the compromise, working together, or that tent or trailer is going to be parked forever. It’s always dangerous by the water with kids, and both parents have to be on full alert even after kids have had a few levels of swimming lessons. Boating, fish hooks and taking wriggling fish off hooks may not be Mom’s thing, not to mention filleting them.
Here’s hoping the parents gradually slip into a comfortable camping situation, with short weekend trips that extend to longer stays. Please send your questions and comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg,
MB, R2X 3B6