Look for partner with same qualities
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went through a long sexual desert — a dry spell of almost two years. I am a university student, but in a maledominated faculty. Then, two women came along at almost the same time, and I loved them equally. I loved one because she was exciting, daring and sexually amazing, and I loved the other because she was kind and sweet, loves animals and is warm and sensual in bed. I would like to roll them together, make one person and marry her, but they are two separate beings, and now my worst nightmare has happened: they found out about each other and spoke to each other in person two days ago.
They had a coffee, which turned into dinner discussing me. They both decided they didn’t want a liar like me in the long run, so they weren’t going to fight over me. I didn’t set out to do that! I met them both within a week and started dating them casually, and within a month I was sleeping with one and then the other. I was trying to decide and just didn’t confess to either one. Now I have lost both, and don’t know who I miss most. What can I do? — Stabbed Twice in the Heart, Winnipeg
Dear Stabbed Twice in the Heart: You have a very loose definition of “love,” and you unwittingly did some stabbing yourself. Things are not really as bad as they seem. Neither one of them was the answer. Now you must look for a woman who combines both their characteristics, to a certain degree, and maybe marry her. If you find that sweet and spicy combination in one woman, date only her and be true.
Lots of modern, daring women also have a very sweet, warm and nurturing side. Your challenge is to make it safe for her to show both of those sides to you.
There are mistakes you can make, though. If she’s one step more daring than you are sexually, don’t ever call her down for it, or that wild side may shut down on you. If she’s one step softer or less confident than you, don’t call her down for that either, or that emotional openness will disappear. Women have to be loved and supported unconditionally to keep both sides happy and trusting you.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man with a dog I fell for, much more than for him. I’m finding him a bit boring and self-centred, and I sense he’s not totally thrilled with me either. I am an extremely high-energy chatty person, and he’s mentioned that. I know it sounds stupid to say I’m in love with a dog, but I’ve put off ending this so-so relationship because I can’t leave the dog. It would break her heart. She was an abused dog, and although she trusts him, it’s me she really shows her love to. Would it be too much to break up with him and ask if I could keep her? I would offer to buy him a new dog or a puppy. — The Nerve of Me? Westwood
Dear The Nerve of You: Does he love this dog deeply, or is he just being a good dog owner? If you’re ever going to ask for her, it can’t be at the same time as you break up with him, but it would also be mean if it was later when she’s been suffering without you. And how attached is this man to you? Is he bored of you, too, and can see you and the dog have a special bond? He might go for the offer of a new puppy, at your expense, who will bond to him more than to you. If that won’t wash, you could suggest a dog-walking and babysitting situation, kind of like parents who get divorced and share custody of the kids. Please send your questions and comments to email@example.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.