Some in­sults are off-lim­its

Winnipeg Free Press - SundayXtra - - LIFE / SCIENCE -

DMiss Lonelyhearts: My girl­friend and I had too much to drink and smoke and then, with a case of the munchies, we got a friend to drop us off at a burger and hot­dog stand. We had a con­test to see who could eat the most. We each ate two hot­dogs with ev­ery­thing on top, large fries, onion rings and gi­ant drinks, then both felt very sick. I was lucky enough to throw up. She wasn’t.

She cried and groaned and swore all the way home in the cab, with a very ner­vous cab­bie driv­ing. I stayed with her and watched out for her all night. In the morn­ing she was hun­gover and so mean-mouthed. She had the nerve to tell me I was a pig for throw­ing up in front of her. I stood up for my­self, and then she called me a bunch of re­ally nasty names. She even in­sulted my small­ish pri­vate parts with a phrase I will never for­get.

I have a big ques­tion in my mind now: how much can you blame things on al­co­hol and a han­gover? What should be for­given and for­got­ten when some­one says ter­ri­ble things to you if they’re drunk? I’m so turned off of her right now. Are there dif­fer­ent stan­dards by which you let some­one be­have whether they are sober, drunk or hun­gover? I was think­ing of mar­ry­ing this woman one day. Now, I’m re­think­ing that. — Dis­re­spected and Hurt­ing, Selkirk

Dear Dis­re­spected and Hurt­ing: What you spit up wasn’t nearly as nasty as what she spit up. Those words will not be for­got­ten. This would be a good time to dump this woman for good. Cer­tain words or phrases linger for­ever, like scratches on the heart. You know how low she can go when her tongue is loos­ened by booze, and she’s got a deep well of nasty in there.

“I’m sorry,” doesn’t cut it. There are some lines you can never cross ver­bally or phys­i­cally with some­one close to you when you’re an­gry. And if she can be that cruel to you — an adult — can you imag­ine how cruel she could to chil­dren in her con­trol? When you choose a mate for life, you are also choos­ing the mother of your de­fence­less kids. Show this one the way out!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife’s best friend of­fered to rent us their ex­tra cabin 50 feet away from hers. I said no be­cause I can’t stand her and her bratty kids. My wife was fu­ri­ous with me! She wants to be near her friend for a few weeks at the lake with the kids. I get that, but I’d never go up there, and it’s my money we’re spend­ing for the rent. My spoiled wife hasn’t worked a day in her life, so she called her mother and had her email the money to her ac­count for the rent. I told her she’s go­ing on her own. She is cry­ing in the bed­room now, and says she’s go­ing to the lake any­way. What should I do? — Un­will­ing To Ruin My Sum­mer, North Kil­do­nan

Dear Un­will­ing: Don’t spoil the sum­mer for ev­ery­one. This isn’t cost­ing you any rent money any­more, and the cabin is sep­a­rate from your wife’s friend and bratty kids. So put your big-man pants on and go out on the week­ends. Leave it at that. It’s a com­pro­mise where both peo­ple don’t get ex­actly what they want. On the other hand, the kids will love it, your wife will love it and you’re not the only one in the fam­ily. You don’t men­tion the other hus­band in­volved. If he’s an OK sort, go fish­ing with him — a lot. Please send your ques­tions and com­ments to love­coach@ hot­ or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Win­nipeg Free Press, 1355 Moun­tain Ave. Win­nipeg R2X 3B6.

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