Some insults are off-limits
DMiss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I had too much to drink and smoke and then, with a case of the munchies, we got a friend to drop us off at a burger and hotdog stand. We had a contest to see who could eat the most. We each ate two hotdogs with everything on top, large fries, onion rings and giant drinks, then both felt very sick. I was lucky enough to throw up. She wasn’t.
She cried and groaned and swore all the way home in the cab, with a very nervous cabbie driving. I stayed with her and watched out for her all night. In the morning she was hungover and so mean-mouthed. She had the nerve to tell me I was a pig for throwing up in front of her. I stood up for myself, and then she called me a bunch of really nasty names. She even insulted my smallish private parts with a phrase I will never forget.
I have a big question in my mind now: how much can you blame things on alcohol and a hangover? What should be forgiven and forgotten when someone says terrible things to you if they’re drunk? I’m so turned off of her right now. Are there different standards by which you let someone behave whether they are sober, drunk or hungover? I was thinking of marrying this woman one day. Now, I’m rethinking that. — Disrespected and Hurting, Selkirk
Dear Disrespected and Hurting: What you spit up wasn’t nearly as nasty as what she spit up. Those words will not be forgotten. This would be a good time to dump this woman for good. Certain words or phrases linger forever, like scratches on the heart. You know how low she can go when her tongue is loosened by booze, and she’s got a deep well of nasty in there.
“I’m sorry,” doesn’t cut it. There are some lines you can never cross verbally or physically with someone close to you when you’re angry. And if she can be that cruel to you — an adult — can you imagine how cruel she could to children in her control? When you choose a mate for life, you are also choosing the mother of your defenceless kids. Show this one the way out!
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife’s best friend offered to rent us their extra cabin 50 feet away from hers. I said no because I can’t stand her and her bratty kids. My wife was furious with me! She wants to be near her friend for a few weeks at the lake with the kids. I get that, but I’d never go up there, and it’s my money we’re spending for the rent. My spoiled wife hasn’t worked a day in her life, so she called her mother and had her email the money to her account for the rent. I told her she’s going on her own. She is crying in the bedroom now, and says she’s going to the lake anyway. What should I do? — Unwilling To Ruin My Summer, North Kildonan
Dear Unwilling: Don’t spoil the summer for everyone. This isn’t costing you any rent money anymore, and the cabin is separate from your wife’s friend and bratty kids. So put your big-man pants on and go out on the weekends. Leave it at that. It’s a compromise where both people don’t get exactly what they want. On the other hand, the kids will love it, your wife will love it and you’re not the only one in the family. You don’t mention the other husband involved. If he’s an OK sort, go fishing with him — a lot. Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@ hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.