Manipulative mother doesn’t deserve olive branch
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writing in regard to Nervous Son. The situation created by his mother, who repeatedly called to berate this 29-year-old son who was having Easter dinner with his fiancée’s family, needs a different approach.
You suggested he offer to go to counselling with his mom, but his mother’s behaviour was outrageous. Since he has told her he wouldn’t be out to Winkler for a long time, he would be wise to act on that rather than hold out the olive branch. I think it’s highly likely she will refuse counselling anyway, and then what? At the very least he could tell her that visiting her will be conditional on her accepting therapy — and then he must maintain that position.
Another facet of the problem is a husband who has tolerated her behaviour. Perhaps he’ll grow a backbone if he realizes the consequence of enabling her behaviour is the loss of contact with his son. Parents who practise this kind of abuse (or any family members) need clear messages about what will not be tolerated. The tendency to normalize behaviour amongst family members, that we would never accept from friends or colleagues, is prevalent. At some point even kin need to know they can conclusively wear out their welcome. Also what is his fiancée internalizing if she sees that he is not up to dealing with a domineering mother? — Lots to Worry About, Manitoba
Dear Lots to Worry About: Excellent points. You can bet the mother of his fiancée, who was ticked off by the calls she asked him to silence his phone, will be talking to her daughter about marriage. She will no doubt point out this future mother-in-law will be a terror if she’s allowed to behave like this.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The mother of Nervous Son is acting like a spoiled brat.
The son found out she was actually faking it when she kept calling his fiancées parental home to wreck his Easter dinner there. (His siblings reported she was just fine at the dinner at home in Winkler.) If he doesn’t stand up now and act like an adult man with self-respect and the strength to run his own life, when is he going to do it? I think this 29-year-old man should ignore his abusive mother until she learns there’s a big penalty for her behaviour. She doesn’t deserve the offer of counselling.
— Stronger Stand Needed, Winnipeg
Dear Stronger Stand Needed: Since the couple love each other enough to get married, maybe they should both consider going for counselling together, and learn how they can work in tandem to handle his manipulative mother. I strongly suspect mama wants to keep her son single, and under her thumb forever. MOON ALERT: Avoid shopping or big decisions after 4:30 p.m. The moon is in Taurus.
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
You can see new ways to make money or how to earn something on the side. You might also see new uses or applications for something you already own. You will be intense and passionate about your wealth and assets.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Relations with others are intense and memorable. New relationships that begin now will be passionate and a bit over the top. (You might get involved with someone you know you should stay away from.) You are so convincing in all your exchanges with others.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
Secret love affairs might begin now — something wild and crazy. Others might feel super intense about an issue but be low-key about it or decide to be secretive and say nothing. This is the kind of day where secrets can come out.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
Many of you are involved with creative, artistic friends at this time. These relations are intense because someone might want to make over or the other. Never believe the phrase “constructive criticism.” Everyone hates to be criticized.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
You might have the power to improve things for someone else or for yourself or a group in society. Other Leos might become romantically involved in an intense way with a boss or someone in a position of authority. It’s a juicy day. Expect someone to ask for your input about how to make something look better.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
You identify with your beliefs, which is why this is a tricky day for discussions about controversial subjects such as politics, religion and racial issues. You’re convinced that you are right because you feel so passionately about issues.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
This is a hot, sexy day. You feel passionately about everything, including financial matters, especially where you have to share or divide something such as an inheritance or deal with shared property. Nothing is casual. You want to get to the bottom of things. You want the raw truth.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Relations with partners and close friends are warm and yummy. People will confide in you and vice versa. There’s a sense of wanting a kind of closeness you don’t usually feel with others, which is why a relationship might transform you.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Look around you at work to see where you can introduce improvements or reforms. You can definitely make things better for yourself and for others. This same ability to introduce improvements into your life can apply to your health or even a pet.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
This is a hot day for romance. You might begin a romance with someone who is questionable. All issues are black and white, especially sports, romance, social occasions and activities with children. You mean business.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Family conversations will be intense and to the point. Strictly bottom-line stuff. This is a good time to make improvements at home. You can also improve family relationships as well as improve where you live. Perhaps you will buy something to improve the place.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
You are persuasive and compelling. It’s a strong day for those in sales and marketing because you can convince anyone of anything. Good news for those who write, sell, market, teach and act because you are unstoppable. (Use this energy to your advantage because you’re not this powerful every day.)
Actress Jennifer Garner (1972) shares your birthday. You are confident and positive minded. Relationships are important to you. You’ll be glad to learn that this is a year full of excitement and stimulation. Embrace change and new opportunities. Be prepared to act fast. Your personal freedom will be a top priority. You will also travel this year and do things to expand your horizons. Enjoy this busy, fast-paced year.
Heisenberg, starring Paula Potosky, plays tonight at the Royal MTC Warehouse.