What to do if your daugh­ter starts dat­ing a night­mare

China Daily (Hong Kong) - - LIFESTYLE - By SHANE WAT­SON

Here’s a sen­tence I never thought I’d write: poor old Philip Green.

In case you haven’t been pay­ing at­ten­tion, bil­lion­aire Phil’s daugh­ter, ap­ple of his eye and chip off the old block, Chloe, has been dat­ing a man called Jeremy “Hot Felon” Meeks. Meeks (meek by name, not so much by na­ture) is a vi­o­lent ex-con turned model who first came to the at­ten­tion of the fash­ion world when his po­lice mugshot went vi­ral. Afraid so. He’s the real teardrop-tat­too ar­ti­cle! He’s served time, he’s got a record as long as Phil’s arm, he’s beaten a 16-year-old boy half to death, and (although it seems barely rel­e­vant at this point) he’s mar­ried.

He is, in short, the slam dunk of un­suit­able boyfriends. In the tossup be­tween him and Pe­tra Ec­cle­stone’s hus­band, James Stunt, you’d be pushed to pick who’s worse, and then you might have to con­clude Him. Imag­ine that.

You can’t help putting your­self in Phil’s shoes and won­der­ing how he’s sleep­ing. And if you’re a par­ent of a daugh­ter of roughly dat­ing age, you might well be think­ing: what the hell would I do? What will I do if She ends up go­ing out with the bloke in the vil­lage who every­one knows is har­vest­ing cats for slip­pers? All par­ents have these thoughts.

So, here’s a short guide on how to be­have when your daugh­ter starts go­ing out with your worst night­mare. Show the NOB (Night­mare On­go­ing Boyfriend) the same gen­eros­ity and

1 Hide your hor­ror.

cour­tesy you would if he were Prince Harry. If you can man­age it, go the ex­tra dis­tance. Your daugh­ter will be grate­ful and (cun­ning ruse) should also no­tice the lack of nat­u­ral rap­port.

2 3 Do en­list the sup­port of friends

(yours, and theirs if you know you are on safe ground) to plant that seed of doubt. Let them do all the risky leg­work. As in “Oh, you don’t drink tap wa­ter? Oh, you don’t love Peter Kay’s Car Share? Ah, you think 9/11 was a con­spir­acy? In­ter­est­ing.” (tricky for Phil, ad­mit­tedly). A week in the house in Corn­wall in the kid­die bunk beds. Babysit­ting granny. Any­thing, so long as it has the po­ten­tial to ex­pose Him as a bad sport. Ac­tual sport could do it. How

En­gi­neer a fam­ily sit­u­a­tion which you know the NOB will find un­com­fort­able and bor­ing

about ten­nis?

(sadly, also not an op­tion for Phil). She won’t think she cares, but the re­al­i­sa­tion that there is no re­spect/ dis­re­spect com­ing from that quar­ter will sink in on some level.

4 5 6 Get her broth­ers on it

or, in the case of civil­ians, take them both out to din­ner and watch her panic when he or­ders the oys­ters and chateaubriand. (Any­one who doesn’t feel du­ty­bound to go for one of the three cheap­est items should ring alarm bells, even if they are fit.)

Freeze her as­sets, Train the dog to take against Him

(who knows how, there must be a way).

Al­ter­na­tively, if all else fails: bat­ten down the hatches, have a stiff drink and wait for the mo­ment to pass. It prob­a­bly will.

PRO­VIDED TO CHINA DAILY

If you’re a par­ent of a daugh­ter of roughly dat­ing age, you might be think­ing: what would I do?

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