Com­mu­ni­ca­tion can ease parental pres­sure

China Daily (USA) - - CHINA -

Song Qingjia, a psy­chol­o­gist who has worked ex­ten­sively in Bei­jing andHe­bei prov­ince

The more singles com­mu­ni­cate with their par­ents, the less pres­sure they will come un­der and it will be eas­ier for them to find a life part­ner.

Tra­di­tion­ally, par­ents have a fixed timetable for mar­riage and ba­bies. They see it as their duty to help their chil­dren get mar­ried, just as it was to raise them.

That means they­may be­come de­pressed or anx­ious if their child isn’t mar­ried by the “right” time, and those feel­ings may be ex­ac­er­bated if neigh­bors and rel­a­tives fre­quently ques­tion them or gos­sip about the is­sue.

So they con­vey that pres­sure to their chil­dren in the form of ques­tions, nag­ging, plead­ing, set­ting up blind dates and even scold­ing.

That’s where the mar­riage pres­sure on singles comes from.

Some singles who want to find a life part­ner and know the best time for giv­ing birth re­main sin­gle be­cause they have yet to meet any­one suit­able.

They are try­ing, but their par­ents don’t see that, they sim­ply think the child is ig­nor­ing them, re­sist­ing, avoid­ing and es­cap­ing from the pres­sure.

The more the child avoids the is­sue, the stronger the parental pres­sure will be­come. Par­ents and chil­dren have the same goal; they just aren’t able to com­bine their ef­forts.

Singles need to calmly and clearly con­vey their feel­ings to their par­ents to let them know that their “left­over kid” is try­ing as hard as they are. Par­ents will not feel as anx­ious if they are on the same page as their chil­dren in terms of re­la­tion­ships.

For their part, par­ents should just of­fer ad­vice about the per­son their child

Al­though it’s a lit­tle ab­surd nowa­days, — blind dates — are safer and re­li­able than other match­mak­ing plat­forms, such as dat­ing apps.” Zhang Yu

Song Qingjia

spoke with

should marry and when. They should also be care­ful not to or­der, force, or nag be­cause that will just place more pres­sure on the child.

As a re­sult, chil­dren are likely to be more amenable to their par­ents’ sug­ges­tions, which will help to form a vir­tu­ous cir­cle.

Singles should dis­cuss mat­ters with their par­ents, and even ask for help, and par­ents should show greater un­der­stand­ing and pa­tience.

More­over, in these mod­ern, busy times, singles should ac­tively find op­por­tu­ni­ties to meet with po­ten­tial dates.

Al­though it’s a lit­tle ab­surd nowa­days, xi­angqin — blind dates — are safer and re­li­able than other match­mak­ing plat­forms, such as dat­ing apps.

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