All the ef­fort and loss has been worth­while

China Daily (USA) - - CHINA - Wang Xiaofeng spoke with Shan Juan.

Wang Xiaofeng (not his real name), 35, from Chuzhou city, An­hui province, is a gay man who mar­ried a les­bian so they could have a child.

I’m gay, and when my son was born 10 months ago, I de­cided to live in the closet formy en­tire life. He will never know that he has a gay dad and his mom is a les­bian, or that he was con­ceived via a self-in­sem­i­na­tion pro­ce­dure per­formed by his mom.

My wife and I have cho­sen to stay in the closet for­ever to pro­tect our son from po­ten­tial pres­sure and dis­crim­i­na­tion.

Life now is tir­ing, and car­ing formy son is hard work. My boyfriend of five years left me be­cause I had less time to spend with him, but all the ef­fort and loss has been worth­while.

It took me three years to find a les­bian who likeme wanted a child. There are al­ways more gay men who want a child than there are les­bians.

Wemet in on­line chat­ting groups of hun­dreds of lo­cal gays and les­bians who need a mar­riage in name only, be­cause same-sex mar­riage is il­le­gal in this coun­try.

My wife and I have cho­sen to stay in the closet for­ever to pro­tect our son from po­ten­tial pres­sure and dis­crim­i­na­tion.

Be­fore I met my wife, I oc­ca­sion­ally came across les­bians who looked ex­actly like men, and I knewthat they would never be ac­cept­able tomy par­ents.

We got mar­ried in Novem­ber 2014, with the sole aim of hav­ing a baby. Be­cause nei­ther of us can bear in­ti­macy with the op­po­site sex we tried a crash course we learned on the in­ter­net, in­ject­ing my sperm via a sy­ringe.

In fact, be­fore we tried self-in­sem­i­na­tion we con­sulted doc­tors at the fer­til­ity cen­ter about in vitro fer­til­iza­tion, but we were turned down be­cause both of us were in good re­pro­duc­tive health.

Luck­ily enough, the self-in­sem­i­na­tion process went smoothly andmy wife be­came preg­nant in May last year. The baby lives with his mom and I go to see him ev­ery day after work. I bear the en­tire cost of rais­ing him.

Both of us— this hus­band and wife in a “co­op­er­a­tive mar­riage”— love our son whole­heart­edly and that will never change.

It’s hard to land a sta­ble re­la­tion­ship in China’s gay men’s scene, andmy son will al­ways be onmy mind. I don’t ex­pect him to take care of me when I am old; I will feel sat­is­fied call­ing him from time to time and know­ing he’s happy.

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