IT in­fi­delity

Stud­ies show that men work­ing in the In­ter­net tech­nol­ogy sec­tor are more likely to cheat on their spouses

Global Times – Metro Beijing - - FRONT PAGE - By Zhang Xinyuan

Among all oc­cu­pa­tions, men who work in the In­ter­net tech­nol­ogy (IT) in­dus­try are the most likely to cheat on their spouses, ac­cord­ing to sta­tis­tics re­leased by ASKCI Con­sult­ing in Sep­tem­ber 2016 in

a re­port on the anal­y­sis of big data on Chi­nese di­vorce rates. Ac­cord­ing to the re­port, the per­cent­age of peo­ple who cheat on their spouses in the IT in­dus­try is 10.6 per­cent; em­ploy­ees in the fi­nan­cial in­dus­try fol­low at 8.2 per­cent.

The sta­tis­tics sparked heated dis­cus­sion on­line be­cause over the past few years the Chi­nese IT in­dus­try has de­vel­oped rapidly. Be­cause of this, men work­ing in this in­dus­try have been la­beled as the new ideal can­di­dates for Chi­nese women to choose as hus­bands.

Dubbed “bud­get hus­bands” for pos­sess­ing char­ac­ter­is­tics of mak­ing a lot of money, spend­ing most of their time at work and only be­ing in­ter­ested in cod­ing in­stead of chas­ing women, they are be­lieved to be very loyal to their spouses. There is a fa­mous Chi­nese say­ing: if you want to marry some­one, choose an IT guy

Since the con­trast be­tween the sta­tis­tics and pop­u­lar be­lief is so large, Metropoli­tan in­ter­viewed sev­eral men work­ing in IT, girl­friends of men who work in IT and peo­ple from other in­dus­tries to hear their thoughts and the­o­ries on the sub­ject.

Sup­port­ing the the­ory

Among all of the in­ter­vie­wees, Guo Lin, a 29-year-old girl from Hangzhou, Zheji-

ang Province, was the only one who has per­son­ally ex­pe­ri­enced sup­port­ing ev­i­dence for the sta­tis­tics.

Guo works in me­dia and her ex-boyfriend is a de­vel­oper in an IT com­pany. They had been to­gether for four years be­fore they broke up.

“He was a seem­ingly loyal per­son. He spent a lot of time on work, and all he talked about ev­ery day was tech­nol­ogy. He didn’t care about his ap­pear­ance and didn’t know how to look good ei­ther,” she said. “He was also very shy with girls; be­fore me, he has only been in one re­la­tion­ship, which meant to me that he was not pro­mis­cu­ous.”

“We have been to­gether for so many years. I thought he was very hon­est and a good choice for mar­riage,” she said.

How­ever, just as they started to dis­cuss mar­riage, Guo’s boyfriend con­fessed that he had been cheat­ing on Guo with a girl he met on a dat­ing app, and he is not sure about get­ting mar­ried.

Guo said that her whole be­lief sys­tem was crushed, and she could not be­lieve that her loyal and plain boyfriend would do some­thing like that. They broke up shortly af­ter. Later, Guo’s boyfriend found out that his se­cret love had a boyfriend. He also found out she was get­ting mar­ried in two months, and that she had just used him to buy her ex­pen­sive gifts and to es­cape from her tem­po­rary doubts about mar­riage. Last time Guo heard, her ex is still sin­gle. How­ever, Guo just got mar­ried last month. “I am not say­ing that this whole group of peo­ple has is­sues. But, I don’t think he could dis­cern who is a good per­son and who is not, what true love is and what’s not. I think his EQ (emo­tional quo­tient) is low,” she said. “Be­cause they al­ways fo­cus their mind on tech­nol­ogy, they are usu­ally in an en­vi­ron­ment where there are only men. There­fore, they rarely have any ex­pe­ri­ence in deal­ing with women, and it is eas­ier for them to be tricked and se­duced,” Guo said. Chen Zhilin, a psy­chol­o­gist in Chongqing, said that based on his ex­pe­ri­ence, he finds that IT guys’ ro­man­tic paths tend to be rocky, and they are more likely to cheat. “Re­la­tion­ships take a lot of work, and cou­ples need to com­mu­ni­cate con­stantly to make the re­la­tion­ship last. IT guys are usu­ally not good at com­mu­ni­ca­tion, so that could cre­ate con­flicts in the re­la­tion­ship,” Chen said. “IT guys’ ad­van­tage is deal­ing with ma­chines, not peo­ple, so when their re­la­tion­ships have is­sues, they are more likely to look out­side,” he said. Besides, since IT guys are con­sid­ered more in­tro­verted and most of them do not care much about their ap­pear­ance, they have an even stronger de­sire to find some­one beau­ti­ful to make up for their short­ages, ac­cord­ing to Chen. Guan Qing­shen, who works in an IT com­pany in Bei­jing, agrees with Guo’s opin­ion that IT guys have lit­tle ex­pe­ri­ence in deal­ing with girls and are more eas­ily tricked. Al­though, ac­cord­ing to Guan, he has never cheated, and he thinks be­ing loyal is the bot­tom line in re­la­tion­ships that peo­ple should not cross.

“In my ex­pe­ri­ence, I don’t think IT guys are a group that would ac­tively seek an af­fair, but if a woman ap­proaches them, I don’t think they could re­sist. We may be good at math but we are not good at deal­ing with peo­ple,” Guan said.

“We may not be able to tell who is a good per­son and who is just a gold dig­ger,” he added.

He said Su Xiang­mao is an ex­am­ple. He is the founder of the smart­phone app WePhone. He killed him­self af­ter he was black­mailed for large sums of money by his ex-wife Zhai Xinxin. They got mar­ried and di­vorced in a short time, and Su’s sui­cide note said that Zhai is a con artist, who just mar­ried him for his money.

Su’s brother Su Xian­g­long said in an re­port that his brother was a ge­nius at cod­ing, but he was rather child­ish and naïve when came to hu­man re­la­tion­ships.

The amount of hours and work re­quired in the job field is also a fac­tor when it comes to how the in­dus­try can shape a per­son’s personality.

“We usu­ally start work at 8 am ev­ery day and get off work at 9 pm, and some­times we even work past mid­night. For the past two weeks, my col­leagues and I have been liv­ing in­side the of­fice to make a project dead­line,” Guan said.

The in­ten­sive work­load means that Guan and his col­leagues can barely think about any­thing else other than their work.

“We don’t usu­ally get to meet and com­mu­ni­cate with many women. We have 40 peo­ple on our team, and we are all guys,” Guan said.

Lack of ex­pe­ri­ence and time to com­mu­ni­cate with women means that we can be lost in re­la­tion­ships and un­able to gauge per­son prop­erly, Guan said.

Sun Yan, an IT worker at the same com­pany as Guan, said that the fact that peo­ple in the IT in­dus­try can make more money is an ad­van­tage in the dat­ing and mar­riage mar­ket.

“We are the ideal type for mother-in­laws be­cause we make rel­a­tively more money, our jobs are sta­ble and we don’t like to spend money, which means we can pro­vide a sta­ble life for the fu­ture

While many peo­ple, in­clud­ing IT guys, are lash­ing out at this group, there are many who are stand­ing up to de­fend their honor.

Kelly (pseu­do­nym) from Switzer­land has been dat­ing her Chi­nese boyfriend who works in IT for two years now, and ac­cord­ing to her ob­ser­va­tion, she be­lieves IT guys are the more loyal type and are per­fect for re­la­tion­ships and mar­riage.

“In my ex­pe­ri­ence, IT guys are rather shy and con­ser­va­tive. They are into math, logic and solv­ing prob­lems,” Kelly said. “So they are not the risk-seek­ing type, and they are the best boyfriends and hus­bands be­cause they are loyal and like to be in­doors and spend time with you in­stead of hang­ing out with their friends all the time.”

Ac­cord­ing to Kelly, her boyfriend’s IT col­leagues and friends are all very into fam­ily life. They just go to work and di­rectly go back home af­ter. “They don’t even want to eat out be­cause they want to be with their fam­ily,” she said.

How­ever, Kelly also pointed out that in rare cases she can imag­ine that some IT guys lack con­fi­dence with women be­cause they were more in­tro­verted in high school and dur­ing univer­sity.

When they sud­denly suc­ceed pro­fes­sion­ally and be­gin earn­ing a high salary, they get more pop­u­lar with the op­po­site sex. They then might feel the need to com­pen­sate for what they missed out on ear­lier.

Wang Chenxi and Lu Min, em­ploy­ees in Thomp­son Reuters in Bei­jing, who are fa­mil­iar with IT guys since their of­fice is lo­cated in a soft­ware park and Lu works in the IT depart­ment, both said that ac­cord­ing to their ob­ser­va­tions, most IT guys they know are very loyal to their fam­ily and part­ners.

“The things they are in­ter­ested in are codes and video games. They usu­ally don’t care about any­thing else,” Wang said. “And be­cause they are sur­rounded by guys and are rather shy, so few of them even have girl­friends, let alone cheat.”

Guan also said that among the 40 guys on his team, only 10 of them have girl­friends. “I think there are al­ways peo­ple in any in­dus­try that will be dis­loyal to their part­ner and fam­ily. It’s not a mat­ter of the in­dus­try, it’s a mat­ter of the per­son,” Guan said.

IT guys were la­beled as the new ideal can­di­dates for Chi­nese women to choose as hus­bands, but things have changed, some peo­ple say.

Some say IT guys are more con­ser­va­tive and fam­ily-cen­tered, while other say IT guys have a low EQ and can eas­ily be se­duced.

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