Studies show that men working in the Internet technology sector are more likely to cheat on their spouses
Among all occupations, men who work in the Internet technology (IT) industry are the most likely to cheat on their spouses, according to statistics released by ASKCI Consulting in September 2016 in
a report on the analysis of big data on Chinese divorce rates. According to the report, the percentage of people who cheat on their spouses in the IT industry is 10.6 percent; employees in the financial industry follow at 8.2 percent.
The statistics sparked heated discussion online because over the past few years the Chinese IT industry has developed rapidly. Because of this, men working in this industry have been labeled as the new ideal candidates for Chinese women to choose as husbands.
Dubbed “budget husbands” for possessing characteristics of making a lot of money, spending most of their time at work and only being interested in coding instead of chasing women, they are believed to be very loyal to their spouses. There is a famous Chinese saying: if you want to marry someone, choose an IT guy
Since the contrast between the statistics and popular belief is so large, Metropolitan interviewed several men working in IT, girlfriends of men who work in IT and people from other industries to hear their thoughts and theories on the subject.
Supporting the theory
Among all of the interviewees, Guo Lin, a 29-year-old girl from Hangzhou, Zheji-
ang Province, was the only one who has personally experienced supporting evidence for the statistics.
Guo works in media and her ex-boyfriend is a developer in an IT company. They had been together for four years before they broke up.
“He was a seemingly loyal person. He spent a lot of time on work, and all he talked about every day was technology. He didn’t care about his appearance and didn’t know how to look good either,” she said. “He was also very shy with girls; before me, he has only been in one relationship, which meant to me that he was not promiscuous.”
“We have been together for so many years. I thought he was very honest and a good choice for marriage,” she said.
However, just as they started to discuss marriage, Guo’s boyfriend confessed that he had been cheating on Guo with a girl he met on a dating app, and he is not sure about getting married.
Guo said that her whole belief system was crushed, and she could not believe that her loyal and plain boyfriend would do something like that. They broke up shortly after. Later, Guo’s boyfriend found out that his secret love had a boyfriend. He also found out she was getting married in two months, and that she had just used him to buy her expensive gifts and to escape from her temporary doubts about marriage. Last time Guo heard, her ex is still single. However, Guo just got married last month. “I am not saying that this whole group of people has issues. But, I don’t think he could discern who is a good person and who is not, what true love is and what’s not. I think his EQ (emotional quotient) is low,” she said. “Because they always focus their mind on technology, they are usually in an environment where there are only men. Therefore, they rarely have any experience in dealing with women, and it is easier for them to be tricked and seduced,” Guo said. Chen Zhilin, a psychologist in Chongqing, said that based on his experience, he finds that IT guys’ romantic paths tend to be rocky, and they are more likely to cheat. “Relationships take a lot of work, and couples need to communicate constantly to make the relationship last. IT guys are usually not good at communication, so that could create conflicts in the relationship,” Chen said. “IT guys’ advantage is dealing with machines, not people, so when their relationships have issues, they are more likely to look outside,” he said. Besides, since IT guys are considered more introverted and most of them do not care much about their appearance, they have an even stronger desire to find someone beautiful to make up for their shortages, according to Chen. Guan Qingshen, who works in an IT company in Beijing, agrees with Guo’s opinion that IT guys have little experience in dealing with girls and are more easily tricked. Although, according to Guan, he has never cheated, and he thinks being loyal is the bottom line in relationships that people should not cross.
“In my experience, I don’t think IT guys are a group that would actively seek an affair, but if a woman approaches them, I don’t think they could resist. We may be good at math but we are not good at dealing with people,” Guan said.
“We may not be able to tell who is a good person and who is just a gold digger,” he added.
He said Su Xiangmao is an example. He is the founder of the smartphone app WePhone. He killed himself after he was blackmailed for large sums of money by his ex-wife Zhai Xinxin. They got married and divorced in a short time, and Su’s suicide note said that Zhai is a con artist, who just married him for his money.
Su’s brother Su Xianglong said in an ifeng.com report that his brother was a genius at coding, but he was rather childish and naïve when came to human relationships.
The amount of hours and work required in the job field is also a factor when it comes to how the industry can shape a person’s personality.
“We usually start work at 8 am every day and get off work at 9 pm, and sometimes we even work past midnight. For the past two weeks, my colleagues and I have been living inside the office to make a project deadline,” Guan said.
The intensive workload means that Guan and his colleagues can barely think about anything else other than their work.
“We don’t usually get to meet and communicate with many women. We have 40 people on our team, and we are all guys,” Guan said.
Lack of experience and time to communicate with women means that we can be lost in relationships and unable to gauge person properly, Guan said.
Sun Yan, an IT worker at the same company as Guan, said that the fact that people in the IT industry can make more money is an advantage in the dating and marriage market.
“We are the ideal type for mother-inlaws because we make relatively more money, our jobs are stable and we don’t like to spend money, which means we can provide a stable life for the future
While many people, including IT guys, are lashing out at this group, there are many who are standing up to defend their honor.
Kelly (pseudonym) from Switzerland has been dating her Chinese boyfriend who works in IT for two years now, and according to her observation, she believes IT guys are the more loyal type and are perfect for relationships and marriage.
“In my experience, IT guys are rather shy and conservative. They are into math, logic and solving problems,” Kelly said. “So they are not the risk-seeking type, and they are the best boyfriends and husbands because they are loyal and like to be indoors and spend time with you instead of hanging out with their friends all the time.”
According to Kelly, her boyfriend’s IT colleagues and friends are all very into family life. They just go to work and directly go back home after. “They don’t even want to eat out because they want to be with their family,” she said.
However, Kelly also pointed out that in rare cases she can imagine that some IT guys lack confidence with women because they were more introverted in high school and during university.
When they suddenly succeed professionally and begin earning a high salary, they get more popular with the opposite sex. They then might feel the need to compensate for what they missed out on earlier.
Wang Chenxi and Lu Min, employees in Thompson Reuters in Beijing, who are familiar with IT guys since their office is located in a software park and Lu works in the IT department, both said that according to their observations, most IT guys they know are very loyal to their family and partners.
“The things they are interested in are codes and video games. They usually don’t care about anything else,” Wang said. “And because they are surrounded by guys and are rather shy, so few of them even have girlfriends, let alone cheat.”
Guan also said that among the 40 guys on his team, only 10 of them have girlfriends. “I think there are always people in any industry that will be disloyal to their partner and family. It’s not a matter of the industry, it’s a matter of the person,” Guan said.
IT guys were labeled as the new ideal candidates for Chinese women to choose as husbands, but things have changed, some people say.
Some say IT guys are more conservative and family-centered, while other say IT guys have a low EQ and can easily be seduced.