Why dat­ing for­eign men is eas­ier

Global Times – Metro Beijing - - TWOCENTS - By Tiara Lin Page Editor: huangyi­ran@glob­al­times.com. cn

Once upon a sum­mer­time, at a bar in Bei­jing’s San­l­i­tun bar street, a woman drink­ing a mar­garita ap­proached me while I was drink­ing with friends. She leaned for­ward and whis­pered in my ear: “Tiara, you might not know me, but I know you.”

I looked at her with a con­fused ex­pres­sion, try­ing to re­mem­ber where we had met. Then she leaned closer and gave me a smile, say­ing “We had a com­mon friend.” The minute she fin­ished her sen­tence, my fe­male in­tu­ition told me that she was the girl whom my on-again, off-again for­eign lover cheated on me with.

Be­lieve it or not, I was not an­gry at her. Quite the op­po­site, I was in­trigued. She is in her early 30s, wear­ing a lit­tle black dress, sexy and cute at the same time. I could tell she is one of those Chi­nese women who mostly dates for­eign­ers.

In Bei­jing, there is a pop­u­la­tion of sin­gle “left­over” women aged over 29 who mostly date for­eign­ers. I am not here to judge their mo­tives. I am here only to help you, the reader, bet­ter un­der­stand them. These are well-ed­u­cated women look­ing for a part­ner who isn’t turned off by their age, in­tel­li­gence or ac­com­plish­ments.

For them, it is eas­ier to date a for­eigner who shares sim­i­lar val­ues rather than a Chi­nese man who might tell her to stop be­ing am­bi­tious, get mar­ried soon and stay at home to take care of her fam­ily. In gen­eral, white men are priv­i­leged when it comes to dat­ing in Asia. When peo­ple see a white face, they as­sume he is rich and pow­er­ful.

But when Chi­nese men see Chi­nese women hang­ing out with white men, they think the women are “easy” or gold dig­gers. Yes, some lo­cal girls hope to change their lives by dat­ing and maybe mar­ry­ing a for­eign ex­pat, but it is not fair to ac­cuse all Chi­nese women who date for­eign­ers of this stereo­type.

“I haven’t had any Chi­nese ad­mir­ers since high school, prob­a­bly be­cause I fo­cused too much on stud­ies,” my friend Miss A said. She chose to de­lay mar­riage to fur­ther her ed­u­ca­tion and ca­reer. Now at 35, she has a PhD de­gree and earns over 35,000 yuan ($5,066) a month, which makes it even harder for her to find a Chi­nese hus­band.

Dat­ing a for­eigner is easy, but keep­ing a long-last­ing re­la­tion­ship with them is dif­fi­cult. In the eyes of many for­eign­ers, Bei­jing is a party town. What hap­pens in Bei­jing stays in Bei­jing, they say. That’s why many ex­pats tend to do things here that they would not back home. But for many Chi­nese women, even though their sex­ual at­ti­tudes have be­come more aligned with the West, deep in­side their hearts, they still hope the man she is ca­su­ally sleep­ing with might marry her one day. “It is so easy for them to get girls, so they don’t need to se­ri­ously com­mit to some­one just to get laid,” said my friend Miss B, who has prob­a­bly dated half of the for­eign pop­u­la­tion in San­l­i­tun. Her con­clu­sion? “They often come to me for sex, not a re­la­tion­ship.” A few months later, I heard from our mu­tual friend that the woman who ap­proached me at the bar got mar­ried. “Mar­ried to whom?” I asked. “A Chi­nese guy who she met through a blind date set up by her par­ents,” he replied. “I told her I am not the mar­ry­ing type,” he added. Four years later, this for­eigner who used to re­fer to him­self as a “hon­ey­bee that flits among flow­ers” fi­nally mar­ried a Chi­nese woman, at the age of 49.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from China

© PressReader. All rights reserved.