Bull­doze EVERY­THING!

HK Magazine - - PAGE 3 -

This week, She­ung Shui vil­lagers re­turned home to find that their squat­ter huts had been un­cer­e­mo­ni­ously bull­dozed by a prop­erty de­vel­oper. The vil­lage lies in an area se­lected for New Town de­vel­op­ment, but the res­i­dents said they had no warn­ing at all, and they hadn’t even had time to re­move iden­ti­fi­ca­tion doc­u­ments, let alone per­sonal be­long­ings, from their homes. Can you sense a metaphor com­ing on?

Yes in­deed: it’s time to bull­doze every­thing! Ap­par­ently, that’s the best way to get things done in this city.

Credit agency Moody’s has down­graded the SAR’s sta­tus from “sta­ble” to “neg­a­tive,” which you might have thought is pretty bad news as it sym­bol­izes a lack of trust from the in­ter­na­tional com­mu­nity. But no fear! Bull­doze those credit rat­ing bas­tards back to the stone age and THEN who’s neg­a­tive?

Young peo­ple hit­ting the streets out of anger? Well, there’s no need to bull­doze them. That would be in­hu­mane. In­stead, when they’re out ri­ot­ing just bull­doze the crap out of their homes. That’ll teach the up­starts to set foot out­side, and cre­ate more space for new, higher rise apart­ment blocks. It’s win-win, un­less you’re young. But who cares about them?

Haven’t man­aged to score tick­ets to the Rugby Sevens? Sim­ple. Bull­doze your way into the South Stand and you’ll have a fan­tas­tic seat for all the ac­tion. Also, peo­ple will be su­per im­pressed with your awe­some Bull­dozer cos­tume.

HKU stu­dent magazine “Un­der­grad” says that Hong Kong should be in­de­pen­dent af­ter 2047, which mainly leaves us pretty wor­ried for the state of uni­ver­sity ed­u­ca­tion in the city. But no wor­ries: all you have to do is be­lieve… in a mas­sive bull­dozer which you can smash into gov­ern­ment house un­til a cring­ing Chief Ex­ec­u­tive agrees to plead your case to China.

Un­able to pass any kind of po­lit­i­cal re­form bill? No wor­ries! Rev up that bull­dozer and just smash it through, like leg­is­la­tor Regina Ip al­ways wanted.

Old build­ings that are an in­alien­able part of our her­itage and cul­ture, a sym­bol of our unique ori­gins? Nah. BULL. DOZED.

Kids are drown­ing in ex­am­i­na­tions, and exam re­forms aren’t com­ing any time soon. Let’s just bull­doze their way to straight As! And by bull­doze, we mean “force them to study un­til they suc­ceed or the stress be­comes to­tally over­whelm­ing, and no one knows how to deal with it be­cause we can’t even work out how to re­form an ex­am­i­na­tion sys­tem.”

Our bud­get is yet again go­ing to have a lu­di­crous sur­plus. Fi­nan­cial Sec­re­tary John Tsang can haul him­self into that trusty yel­low bull­dozer, honk the horn a cou­ple of times and bull­doze into the sun­set, leav­ing the wreck of thou­sands of peo­ple liv­ing be­low the poverty line in his wake. Beep beep!

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