Hong Kong ABCs
Maverick HKTV boss Ricky Wong has said that he’s thinking of running for Legco later this year on an “ABC” platform—that’s “Anyone But CY.” Admit it: Without knowing a single thing about Wong’s campaign, you still want to vote for him, don’t you? It just shows the power of a strong “ABC” political slogan, which is why we’ve got some other Hong Kong ABCs for you.
Always Be Closing
No, it’s not a sales catchphrase: These are in fact the instructions delivered to all proprietors of small businesses who are trying to stay afloat in this year’s crappy economy. Stunning new restaurant concept? Always Be Closing. Great startup idea? Always Be Closing. Found a market niche you can cater to? Always Be Closing, dude.
Anyday But Chingming
Radical localist group with a zealous devotion to the
Ching Ming festival. This group advocates violent revolt against the status quo at all times except for April 4/5 (Ching Ming), because on that day we are grave-sweeping and it is very important to respect one’s elders. Slogan: “Smash the corrupt system (on 364 days of the year)!”
Artisanal Bros. Coffee
Name of a new Sheung Wan hipster coffee joint we’re thinking of starting. What we’d do is roast each individual bean with a blowtorch separately to ensure genuine care and attention goes into every single mouthful. We’d make millions. American/Australian Born Chinese
Common catchphrase: “I just felt it was time to come back to Hong Kong and really rediscover my roots.” Habitat: SoHo.
Identifying characteristics: Speaks broken Cantonese, works in finance and thinks that going for hungover dim sum is the same as communing with ancestors.
Acapella Band Competition
Nothing is better suited to deciding the future of Hong Kong than an all-vocal sing-off. Will CY Leung’s resonant timbre be sufficient to hold together his disharmonious group? Will the weak treble chirping of the localists be enough to carry the crowd? Or will Beijing just turn the bass up to 11 and blow us all away?
Anson #Blessed Chan
Forget Ricky Wong. Is it time for the former Chief Secretary and “Conscience of Hong Kong” to step up and grab the reins of office? Yeah it is. #Anson2017.