Hongxit!

HK Magazine - - PAGE 3 -

The UK’s re­cent vote to “Brexit” from the Euro­pean Union is stir­ring the city’s lo­cal­ists into a pas­sion­ate fer­vor. We got an early look at a flyer they’ve been pass­ing around the streets of Mong Kok.

Hongkongers, Arise! A new, shin­ing utopia is upon us. The UK’s ref­er­en­dum on the Euro­pean Union has re­sulted in a “leave” vote. The peo­ple of that tiny na­tion stood up and said: “we want out!”

We take in­spi­ra­tion from their noble ex­am­ple! We want to be free to make ex­actly the same sort of ridicu­lous, un­in­formed de­ci­sions our for­mer colo­nial mas­ter just made!

The es­tab­lish­ment will tell you that we don’t send tens of mil­lions to help Bei­jing man­age the up­keep of the state.

The es­tab­lish­ment will tell you that we don’t have an in­fras­truc­ture that could cope with be­ing in­de­pen­dent.

The es­tab­lish­ment will tell you that our im­mi­gra­tion prob­lems are more to do with how ef­fi­ciently we can screw do­mes­tic helpers out of a pay­check than any­thing else.

But we be­lieve that the peo­ple can rally around our one, uni­fy­ing foible: our dis­like of main­lan­ders!

In an in­de­pen­dent Hong Kong, all things are pos­si­ble and your dreams au­to­mat­i­cally be­come re­al­ity. Your every per­sonal prob­lem will be solved, overnight! Bad re­la­tion­ship? Hongxit! Credit card bills? Hongxit! Ex­ces­sive mildew on your walls? Hongxit! To usher in this brave new era, we’re propos­ing a points-based sys­tem for im­mi­gra­tion into Hong Kong. Any­one wish­ing to live in the city will need:

• A tal­ent in an area in which Hong Kong is lack­ing, such as singing Man­dopop or mak­ing de­li­cious xi­ao­long­bao.

• A pass­ing grade in a Can­tonese ap­ti­tude test. • To own fewer than 2 LV suit­cases. • Al­ter­na­tively, they can just be western­ers.

Should we fail in this en­deavor, we pro­pose that on July 1, SAR Es­tab­lish­ment Day, Hong Kong is­land is sev­ered from the bedrock and mo­tored out into the Indian Ocean. There we can hang out with the Mal­dives un­til they, and our hopes, sink be­neath the waves.

Take back con­trol! Hongxit!

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