HK Pokézine Pokétips!
Sometimes, in our capacity as a Hong Kong institution and beacon of impeccable class and integrity, we have to draw a line in the proverbial sand. We wish to affirm that we view all forms of bandwagon jumping with the utmost contempt. It was not without disdain, therefore, that we noted the release of Pokémon Go in Hong Kong this week. Indeed, this pernicious, materialist scourge is all anyone’s talking about. So here we grudgingly present some pointers to ensure your Hong Kong Pokémon Go experience is the very best it can be.
1) Look Around You
Pokémon can be found in the most unusual of places. Have you tried the occupied stall next to you in the bathroom?
2) Find the Best Spots
The Hong Kong-Shenzhen Border is a goldmine of Pokémon. Simply head over and sprint from one side to the other as you try to catch ‘em all, while evading border guards who will be equally intent on catching you.
3) Use Lures Properly
Lures are in-game items which draw Pokémon out of hiding for all players. Protest organizers disappointed with the turnout of the recent July 1 march need only set lures on a path from Victoria Park to the government offices at Tamar. Attendance is bound to top 500,000.
4) Use it to Get Laid
A late night, a beautiful moonlit sky, the fragrant scent of Frangipani and garbage wafting on the breeze... and 50 other people in a park staring at their phones. If you can’t pick up here, you really have to work on your (real-life) game. Suggested pick-up line: “Is that a Weedle on your touchscreen or are you just happy to see me?” 5) Play it at Work
Bosses may be frowning on your long absences away from your desk, but experts consider a healthy work-Go balance to be essential. Consider suggesting group team-building exercises constructed around an hour’s worth of Pokémon Go at your office. Nothing says “flat organizational structure” like the company CEO darting around the pantry in search of that elusive Beedrill.
6) Join the Police
The police force has had to set up a special detail to deal with the explosive popularity of the app, and they’ll have their eye on high Poké-traffic zones to prevent accidents. Which means that, yes, there’s a Poké Squad which gets paid to play Pokémon Go. Who needs a Pokéball when you can just pepper spray Pikachu into submission?