IOC Awards Team Hong Kong All the Golds

Wor­ried about the feel­ings of the Hong Kong peo­ple, the In­ter­na­tional Olympic Com­mit­tee this week an­nounced that it would be award­ing to the city ev­ery one of the gold medals up for grabs at the Rio Olympics—even for events in which Hong Kong is not parti

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Com­ment­ing on the de­ci­sion, IOC spokesman Poitre Toe­flkopter said, “We thought about run­ning the Games as we usu­ally would, with medals awarded ac­cord­ing to sport­ing achieve­ment. But af­ter sev­eral in­ci­dents in­volv­ing hurt feel­ings, from now on the com­mit­tee will award gold medals pre­em­tively, ac­cord­ing to a na­tion’s emo­tional well-be­ing.” Toe­flkopter went on to say, “Hong Kong was iden­ti­fied as be­ing at risk, so we took ac­tion.”

Else­where in Olympics-re­lated news, there was an in­ter­na­tional out­cry af­ter it was re­al­ized that the Hong Kong SAR flag used by the or­ga­niz­ers fea­tured an in­cor­rect de­sign (pic­tured right). Rather than the of­fi­cially rec­og­nized white Bauhinia flower on a red ground, the flag sported by Team Hong Kong dur­ing the open­ing cer­e­mony ap­peared to show Flabébé, a mi­nor Poke­mon char­ac­ter, float­ing on a back­ground of grass. On in­ves­ti­ga­tion, IOC of­fi­cials con­firmed that the flag had been man­u­fac­tured by an of­fi­cial Team Hong Kong con­trac­tor based in Fo Tan. Ap­peal­ing for calm, team pub­lic re­la­tions head Elvis Chu said, “I’ll be the first to ad­mit it, this is freak­ing em­bar­rass­ing. It’s even worse than that time we sent row­ers to com­pete in Calgary back in ‘88. Have you ever tried row­ing on solid ice? For­get about it.”

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