Run­ner-Up’s Wel­come

China’s Olympians are com­ing to Hong Kong, and the city seems to be em­brac­ing them with open arms: All 5,700 tick­ets to see the ath­letes sold out in just three hours. But the games aren’t over yet: Turns out that the cream of China’s sport­ing prow­ess will

HK Magazine - - PAGE 3 -

Archery

Tar­gets are pinned to the more dis­rup­tive mem­bers of Legco and they’re set loose down­range. First to tag a Pan-dem gets the gold.

200m Hur­dles

The na­tion’s star ath­letes dodge an­gry lo­cal­ists fling­ing them­selves straight at the legs of th­ese icons of state power.

500m Freestyle

All of the ath­letes are taken on a junk trip, to show them a slice of the easy life. Once they’re all in the wa­ter, the lad­der is pulled up and the junk mo­tors home.

MTR Long Jump

At Mong Kok sta­tion, com­peti­tors must try to leap from the Tsuen Wan Line train to the Kwun Tong Line train, with­out touch­ing the plat­form in the mid­dle. Par­al­lel Trad­ing Bars

Prof­itable gym­nas­tics event in which par­tic­i­pants must carry two fully laden suit­cases across the bor­der with­out arous­ing sus­pi­cions from cus­toms agents.

Fenc­ing

The Olympians build a Don­ald Trump-style bar­rier be­tween Hong Kong and China, earn­ing the city’s undy­ing love and trust.

1,977,000m Run

Any Olympian who didn’t get a gold medal has to run the 1,977km straight back to Bei­jing. Two pee breaks are per­mit­ted.

The Hunger Games

Ea­ger to keep the city docile and scared, the gov­ern­ment thrusts the cream of the world’s phys­i­cal spec­i­mens into a bat­tle to the death, and tele­vises it. Hey, we’d watch it.

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