Free Will Astrol­ogy


VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22): Is “Big Bang” the best term we can come up with to ref­er­ence the be­gin­ning of the uni­verse? It sounds vi­o­lent and messy—like a ran­dom, ac­ci­den­tal splat­ter. I would much prefer a term that sug­gests sub­lime el­e­gance and play­ful power—lan­guage that would cap­ture the awe and rev­er­ence I feel as I con­tem­plate the sa­cred mys­tery we are priv­i­leged to in­habit. What if we used a dif­fer­ent name for the birth of cre­ation, like the “Pri­mal Bil­low” or the “Bloom­ing Ha Ha” or the “Ma­jes­tic Bou­quet”? By the way, I rec­om­mend that you con­sider those last three terms as be­ing suit­able ti­tles for your own per­sonal life story in the com­ing weeks. A great awak­en­ing and ac­ti­va­tion are im­mi­nent. LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22): The last few weeks have been fraught with rich plot twists, naked dates with des­tiny, and fer­tile turn­ing points. I ex­pect there will be fur­ther in­trigue in the near fu­ture. A fierce and ten­der de­ci­sion at a cross­roads? The un­ex­pected ar­rival of a hot link to the fu­ture? A karmic debt that’s can­celed or for­given? In light of the like­li­hood that the sweet-and-sour, con­fus­ing-and-rev­e­la­tory drama will con­tinue, I en­cour­age you to keep your lev­els of re­laxed in­ten­sity turned up high. More than I’ve seen in a long time, you have the magic and the op­por­tu­nity to trans­form what needs to be trans­formed. SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21): In the com­ing days, you will have more than your usual ac­cess to help and guid­ance. Divine in­ter­ven­tions are pos­si­ble. Spe­cial dis­pen­sa­tions and charmed co­in­ci­dences, too. If you don’t be­lieve in fairy dust, magic beans, and lucky po­tions, maybe you should set that prej­u­dice aside for a while. Sub­tle mir­a­cles are more likely to be­stow their gifts if your rea­son­able the­o­ries don’t get in the way. Here’s an ad­di­tional tip: Don’t get greedy. Use the openings you’re of­fered with hu­mil­ity and grat­i­tude. SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21): When my daugh­ter Zoe was grow­ing up, I wanted her to be fa­mil­iar with the ori­gins of or­di­nary stuff that she ben­e­fited from. That’s why I took her to small farms where she could ob­serve the growth and har­vest of or­ganic food crops. We vis­ited man­u­fac­tur­ing fa­cil­i­ties where cars, fur­ni­ture, toys, and kitchen sinks were built. She saw boot­mak­ers cre­at­ing boots and pro­fes­sional mu­si­cians pro­duc­ing songs in record­ing stu­dios. And much more. I would love it if you would give your­self com­pa­ra­ble ex­pe­ri­ences in the com­ing weeks, Sagittarius. It’s an ex­cel­lent time to com­mune with the sources of things that nur­ture you and make your life bet­ter. CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19): Un­less you were brought up by a herd of feral don­keys, the com­ing weeks will be an ex­cel­lent time to em­bark on your sec­ond child­hood. Un­less you’re al­ler­gic to new ideas, the fore­see­able fu­ture will bring you strokes of cu­ri­ous luck that in­spire you to change and change and change your mind. And un­less you are ad­dicted to your same old stale com­forts, life will of­fer you chances to ex­plore fron­tiers that could ex­pose you to thrilling new com­forts. AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 19): Th­ese days, my dear, your ec­cen­tric beauty is even more un­kempt than usual. I like it. It en­ter­tains and charms me. And as for your idio­syn­cratic in­tel­li­gence: That, too, is messier and cuter and even more in­ter­est­ing than ever be­fore. I’m in­clined to en­cour­age you to milk this un­ruly streak for all its po­ten­tial. Maybe it will pro­voke you to ex­per­i­ment in sit­u­a­tions where you’ve been too ac­cept­ing of the stag­nant sta­tus quo. And per­haps it will em­bolden you to look for love and money in more of the right places. PISCES (Feb 18-Mar 20): I’m giv­ing you an ul­ti­ma­tum, Pisces: Within the next 144 hours, I de­mand that you be­come at least 33 per­cent hap­pier. Fifty per­cent would be even bet­ter. Some­how you’ve got to fig­ure out what you can do to en­hance your sense of well-be­ing and in­crease your en­joy­ment of life. I’m sort of jok­ing, but on the other hand I’m com­pletely se­ri­ous. From my per­spec­tive, it’s essen­tial that you feel re­ally good in the com­ing days. Abun­dant plea­sure is not merely a lux­ury, but rather a ne­ces­sity. Do you have any ideas about how to make this hap­pen? Start here: 1. Iden­tify your four most de­light­ful mem­o­ries, and re-en­act them in your imag­i­na­tion. 2. Go see the peo­ple whose in­flu­ences most thor­oughly an­i­mate your self-love. ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19): Two seven-year-old girls showed me three tricks I could use to avoid tak­ing my­self too se­ri­ously and get­ting too at­tached to my dig­nity. I’m of­fer­ing th­ese tricks to you just in time for the let­ting-go phase of your astrological cy­cle. Trick #1: Speak in a made-up lan­guage for at least ten min­utes. Ex­am­ple: “Groftyp hulbnu wivgeeri proot xud amas­terulius. Qu­oshi­bo­jor frovid zem­plis­sit.” Trick #2: Put a dif­fer­ent kind of shoe and sock on each foot and pre­tend you’re two peo­ple stuck in a sin­gle body. Give each side of you a unique nick­name. Trick #3: Place an un­opened bag of bar­be­cue-fla­vored potato chips on a ta­ble, then bash your fist down on it, det­o­nat­ing a loud pop­ping sound and un­leash­ing a spray of crumbs out the ends of the bag. Don’t clean up the mess for at least an hour. TAURUS (Apr 20-May 20): In ac­cor­dance with the astrological omens, I sug­gest you spend less en­ergy dwelling in pro­fane time so you ex­pand your re­la­tion­ship with sa­cred time. If that’s of in­ter­est to you, con­sider the fol­low­ing def­i­ni­tions. PRO­FANE TIME hap­pens when you’re en­gulfed in the daily grind. Swarmed by a re­lent­less flurry of im­me­di­ate con­cerns, you are held hostage by the chat­ter of your mon­key mind. Be­ing in SA­CRED TIME at­tunes you to the re­lax­ing hum of eter­nity. It en­ables you to be in in­ti­mate contact with your soul’s deeper agenda, and af­fords you ex­tra power to trans­form your­self in har­mony with your noble de­sires and beau­ti­ful in­ten­tions. GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20): About 1.7 mil­lion years ago, our hu­man an­ces­tors be­gan us­ing prim­i­tive hand axes made from rocks. This tech­nol­ogy re­mained in use for over 60,000 gen­er­a­tions be­fore any­one in­vented more so­phis­ti­cated tools and im­ple­ments. Sci­ence writer Mar­cus Chown refers to this pe­riod as “the mil­lion years of bore­dom.” Its slow pace con­trasts sharply with tech­nol­ogy’s brisk evo­lu­tion in the last 140 years. In 1880, there were no cars, planes, elec­tric lights, tele­phones, TVs, or In­ter­net. I sur­mise that you’re leav­ing your own phase of rel­a­tively slow progress, Gemini. In the com­ing months, I ex­pect your trans­for­ma­tions will progress with in­creas­ing speed—start­ing soon. CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22): Pre­dic­tion #1: You will at­tract truck­loads of good luck by work­ing to up­grade and re­fine the way you com­mu­ni­cate. Pre­dic­tion #2: You will tickle the at­ten­tion of in­ter­est­ing peo­ple who could ul­ti­mately pro­vide you with clues you will need to thrive in 2017. #3: You will dis­cover se­crets of how to ar­tic­u­late com­pli­cated feel­ings and sub­tle ideas that have been locked in­side you. Pre­dic­tion #4: You’ll be­gin a vi­brant con­ver­sa­tion that will con­tinue to evolve for a long time. LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22): You know you have a sec­ond brain in your gut, right? (If not, read this:­ond­brain.) Dur­ing the past three weeks, I have been beam­ing tele­pathic in­struc­tions to­ward this smart part of you. Here’s an edited ver­sion of the mes­sage I’ve been send­ing: “Cul­ti­vate your tenac­ity, dar­ling. Build up your stamina, sweet­heart. Feed your abil­ity to fol­low through on what you’ve started, beau­ti­ful. Be per­sis­tent and spunky and gritty, my dear.” Alas, I’m not sure my psy­chic broad­casts have been as ef­fec­tive as I’d hoped. I think you need fur­ther en­cour­age­ment. So please sum­mon more for­ti­tude and stay­ing power, you gutsy stal­wart. Be staunch and dogged and res­o­lute, you stout­hearted pow­er­house.

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