The Pollution Checklist
Air pollution has really ramped up in Hong Kong over the last few days, apparently due to the approach of Typhoon Megi. But you don’t have to worry: We’ve put together a checklist that should help protect you from the nastiest of the effects.
Have Donned you...a face mask? Installed a filter in your air-con unit? Refused to leave the house for the next two weeks? Wrapped your entire body in cling film to prevent contamination? Purchased a balloon full of air claiming to be from Bhutan? Scalped an iPhone 7, because they cure everything?
Hermetically sealed off Lamma Island so it’s even more remote than ever before?
Used the hazy yellow air as an effect to boost the artiness of your Instagram feed?
Sacrificed your first-born to the God of Small Particulates? Moved to Beijing to build up a natural resistance to pollution? Emailed Elon Musk to ask whether you can join his Mars mission? Put one of your lungs into cold storage?
Decided not to have children, in case they emerge addicted to that sweet, sweet pollution?
Purchased cheap brown-tinted glasses so the world looks dark and smoggy all the time anyway?
Taken up smoking, because then at least you know where the emphysema is coming from?
Blamed CY Leung for it, again?