Fam­ily Fun

Special Focus - - Contents - Sam Bow­den

On Pa­per

Be­fore I was mar­ried, I had a six-set the­ory on how to raise kids. Now, I’m a fa­ther of six, with­out a sin­gle, use­ful, the­ory.


Yes­ter­day af­ter­noon I got a call from my mom: “Where are you?”

Me: “On my way, I’ll be home in a minute.”

Mom: “Don’t come back just yet, go for a walk”

Me: “How come?”

Mom: “We have guests here, your dad’s had a bit too much to drink and started BS-ing. Right now, you’re sup­posed to be trav­el­ing abroad with your boyfriend!”


Mother: “Son, I left two slices of cake in the pantry this morn­ing, now there is only one slice left. Tell me what hap­pened?”

Son: “Aw, it was way too dark in there, I only saw the one slice.”


My son wants to have pota­toes for din­ner ev­ery night, any other food—he’s just not in­ter­ested in. I told him: “Son, you can’t be picky with your food, you have to eat dif­fer­ent kinds of food, oth­er­wise you’ll be un­der­nour­ished.”

My son yelled back, “Liar! I don’t be­lieve you! Mosquitoes only eat blood, sheep only eat grass, and pan­das only eat bam­boo, how come they’re not all mal­nour­ished then?”

I was at an ab­so­lute loss for words.

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