Hu­mor

段子

Special Focus - - Contents -

Acupunc­ture

A nurse who is less con­fi­dent about her acupunc­ture skills keeps prac­tic­ing her skills in her free time. One day, she came across a pa­tient who was sleep­ing like a log and be­gan prac­tic­ing her skills on his body from head to toe, needling all over his body be­fore she even no­ticed...

While the nurse won­dered where to try next, sud­denly the pa­tient jumped from the bed and cried, “You think I’m dead? Needling me from head to toe?” Fright­ened, the nurse ran away.

The next day when she was on duty, the di­rec­tor of the hos­pi­tal shook her hands and said ex­cit­edly, “Con­grat­u­la­tions! You’ve cured a veg­etable who’s been in our hos­pi­tal for eight years.”

扎针

一位扎针技术差的护士,没事就找人练习扎针。一次,她遇见一位熟睡的病人,于是一针又一针,不知不觉从头扎到脚……

就在护士香汗淋漓想再找位置扎针时,病人一跃而起,大声骂道: “你真当我睡死了?从头扎到脚。”

护士落荒而逃。

第二天上班,院长高兴地握着那位护士的手,说:“在医院睡了 8年的植物人,被你扎针给治好了。”

Not Over­weight

A wife is weigh­ing her­self and finds her hus­band gig­gling. She feels an­gry and shouts, “Do you mind my body size?”

The hus­band packs up his smiles and said se­ri­ously, “Ac­cord­ing to your body weight, you should be 180 cm in height. So you are short rather than fat.”

不是胖了

妻子正在称体重,发现丈夫在一旁偷笑。妻子很生气,大声吼道: “你是不是嫌我胖?”

丈夫收起笑容,一脸正经地说: “按你的体重来说,身高应该在一米八左右。你不是胖了,而是矮了。”

Gen­der Dif­fer­ence

Re­cently my wife and I have been putting on weight. We were wor­ried and dis­cussing how to do ex­er­cises to re­duce the weight. When I was pon­der­ing over the proper time to do ex­er­cises, my wife has al­ready bought a sports wear.

男女思维

最近我和老婆都胖了,就和她商量锻炼的事。我第一时间想到的是安排在什么时间比较好,而她率先下单买了套运动服。

Tricks of Money Mak­ing

A quack doc­tor claimed that he had a secret recipe which promised to pro­duce only boys. He de­clared that you just paid him on the con­di­tion of hav­ing a boy af­ter tak­ing his dose. As a re­sult, those who had a girl wouldn’t come back to pay him, while those who had a boy paid him hap­pily. Prob­a­bil­ity dis­tri­bu­tion helped him win half of his deals. For years, he made a for­tune by the cheap recipe and won peo­ple’s high praise.

总有钱赚

某江湖郎中,有祖传良方,可以包生男孩。一服见效,售价两千,生下男孩才付钱。于是,生下女孩的没付钱,也不找他,生下男孩的高高兴兴送钱去。他的药成本不过几块,按概率,有一半生意能赚到钱,平安无事骗了很多年, 还挣了一屋的锦旗。

A Cou­ple

A cou­ple in my neigh­bor­hood lives an “ex­trav­a­gant” life. Af­ter mar­riage they lav­ish on eat­ing and play­ing and pur­chase houses and cars by mort­gage. In this way they are en­gaged to each other and their debts were never paid off till the age of 60. If any­one wants to break them up, he or she will pay all the debts. That is the best way to keep love fresh.

夫妻

我家隔壁有一对极品夫妻,结婚后吃干玩净,贷款买车买房,用增加负资产的方式拴住对方,两人的债到 60岁也还不完。谁要是想拆散他们,得做好背几十年债的心理准备。什么海誓山盟都弱爆了,这才是保持爱情忠贞的好办法。

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