9 things never to say to your child

Be­low is a list of in­sen­si­tive things that you should avoid say­ing to your kid

Fiji Sun - - Sun Spectrum - Feed­back: jy­otip@fi­jisun.com.fj

Be­ing a par­ent is dif­fi­cult and so is com­ing off as a proud child. It’s only hu­man to give vent to your rage by us­ing harsh words. How­ever, when the re­cip­i­ent of your out­rage is your own child, it might have un­cer­tain and un­man­age­able reper­cus­sions. We list 9 in­sen­si­tive things that you should avoid say­ing to your child.

1.Time com­par­i­son

I was much more re­spon­si­ble when I was your age. Com­par­ing your child and giv­ing him an ex­am­ple of what all you were ca­pa­ble of when you were a kid is the first big mis­take par­ents make. Their ir­ri­ta­tion stems from ‘ex­pec­ta­tions’ - ex­pec­ta­tions of bring­ing up the ‘per­fect’ kid. Try and re­call your short­com­ings as a child and what all trou­bles you both­ered your par­ents with. You are the el­der one in the re­la­tion­ship hence you ought to know more. A state­ment such as this will break your child’s con­fi­dence.

2. You al­ways end up tak­ing wrong de­ci­sions

Don’t pe­nalise your kid for be­ing im­ma­ture. Ev­ery­one is al­lowed to make mis­takes and it is in fact a part of the learn­ing process. He might have taken up a field of study that doesn’t in­ter­est you or per­haps work­ing with a com­pany that you’re not very proud of, but that doesn’t mean you ac­cuse him of the de­ci­sions. Your job as a par­ent is to guide him, not force him to obey your opinions.

3. Why can’t you be more like your sib­lings?

This is once again an un­rea­son­able com­par­i­son and a com­mon one at that. Avoid seed­ing in an­i­mos­ity be­tween your chil­dren by com­par­ing their abil­i­ties. Do­ing so may cre­ate a fis­sure be­tween the sib­lings. You don’t want your kid to har­bour neg­a­tive feel­ings for you, hence avoid as­sess­ing your kids.

4. Leave me alone!

Adults have huge re­spon­si­bil­i­ties to take care of, re­spon­si­bil­i­ties that chil­dren are in­no­cently obliv­i­ous of. And there are times when we want to be left alone too. Kids are in­ca­pable of un­der­stand­ing the grav­ity of such sit­u­a­tions. An im­pa­tient out­burst of ‘Leave me alone!’ can make your child feel ne­glected, un­wanted and de­pressed at the same time. Show some pa­tience and avoid say­ing some­thing bad to him.

5. You should be ashamed of your­self

This state­ment is out­right harsh and say­ing such an aw­ful thing to any child is sim­ply ‘bad’. Yes, there are mis­chievous kids who go about pes­ter­ing peo­ple with a devil-may­care at­ti­tude but that does not mean you rep­ri­mand him like this. There are bet­ter and milder ways to make the child un­der­stand the dif­fer­ence be­tween good and bad.

6. You’re just like your fa­ther/mother

Not all mar­ried cou­ples are happy liv­ing to­gether and the bit­ter­ness in their re­la­tion­ship of­ten trans­lates into ex­change of un­kind words against each other. Some re­la­tion­ships end in sep­a­ra­tion too. Ei­ther ways, kids are a wit­ness to this mu­tual hos­til­ity and crit­i­cism. So when you shower your part­ner’s an­i­mos­ity on your kid, that’s when he be­gins to lose re­spect.

7. You al­ways find ways to hurt me

There are times when chil­dren hurt their par­ents’ sen­ti­ments by go­ing against their wishes. Most times it is un­in­ten­tional but there are kids who do so on pur­pose. How­ever, say­ing some­thing like the above state­ment would make your child feel guilty about his/her de­ci­sion. He might com­ply with your de­mands to make you happy but you’d be tak­ing away his right to hap­pi­ness in the long run. Let your chil­dren take their own de­ci­sions and let them live a guilt-free life.

8. It’s bet­ter to be child­less than have a kid like you

The above state­ment is mostly an ex­treme emo­tional out­burst but can have grave con­se­quences on the kid. Un­ques­tion­ably, it is the most hurt­ful thing you can ever say to your child. No mat­ter what the cri­sis is, say­ing some­thing like this could make you re­gret for life.

9. Get rid of the bad com­pany of your friends

We (read adults) don’t think be­fore mak­ing friends. Nei­ther do chil­dren. The only dif­fer­ence is that we know how to stay away from bad com­pany and chil­dren don’t. Their friends mean the world to them and there­fore you can­not just or­der them to get a new set of ‘good’ friends.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Fiji

© PressReader. All rights reserved.